A Sparkling Pebble In The Crowd

Save me, I get lost so easy
C'mon and lift the fog, my birthday girl
The rains came, turned all the hills green,
Turn the dirt to flowers, birthday girl

~ Matt Nathanson  

 I began this blog several days ago. The other night as I was writing, the electrical panel ignited and forced us out of the place I reside in. Thankfully, everyone was okay and the house is now being assessed for electrical repairs. As I write this from a hotel room, there are many blessings which I am grateful for! 

On Sunday, I attended a concert at one of my favourite venues…The Commodore Ballroom in Vancouver, BC. Over the years, I have seen the brightest stars light up the night with their music, wit, charm and brilliant performances. This was no exception as both musicians- Joshua Radin and Matt Nathanson, brought the crowds to their feet for an evening of song, story and entertainment.  

Before I arrived at the venue, I was on the SkyTrain with my mp3 player. My mood was sullen as I thought of yet another concert without my daughter, Shayla. Her and I were bonded at the heart in many extraordinary ways…music was an extension of ourselves. Shayla being a dancer for many years- saw her rid of the angst she felt from those who bullied her- through performing. She was enrolled in professional lessons and took part in dancing in the course of her school years. 

Whenever the opportunity came to attend concerts in a variety of locations, we were there. From stadiums, to cafes, beaches to festivals, Shayla and I shared in rock, pop, classical, country and indie-folk. We could relate to the tapestry of words intertwined into a song and while this beautiful fusion of spirit and soul is something I treasure…it is also something that breaks me in an instant. There are songs since my daughter has passed that I cannot listen too. It’s like a gavel to my glass heart that implodes with the gripping reality that she is gone. 

By the time of my arrival at The Commodore, I was not sure if it was possible to manage the evening, alone. Before I entered, secretly my wish was that Shayla was with me. 

Joshua had already taken the stage and was in his 2^nd song, when I found a place amongst those on the main floor, in front of the stage. This was my second time seeing him perform live and I had brought something for him. Near the end of his set, he mentioned a special place he goes to where he lives in California. Joshua shared that there is a mountain where he resides and he climbs it in order to contemplate life.

After he was finished, I stood in line to meet him once again as I had in previous years. Standing next to me was a young girl named Becca Van’t Schip, who was eager to also see Joshua for the second time. She showed me a tattoo on her arm. Turns out, last year when she shared some of Joshua’s lyrics tattooed on her feet, she also had him autograph the inside of her arm and now had returned to show Joshua her latest addition. I took a few pictures with her camera and asked her to do the same for me. 

As I approached Joshua, I explained that I had met him a few years back. Pulling out a link to The Heart Pebble Movement, I explained it was in memory of my daughter Shayla, who had passed away. I placed in his hand a small white speckled pebble from her collection and asked if he could put it on his mountain, as a tribute to her. Joshua assured me he would keep his word and honour my daughter with the request. 

My attention was soon drawn to Matt Nathanson and his band, which were the main act. To describe Matthew is to  imagine a hurricane touching down over the ocean and then imploding into the heavens! His vibrant, cocky-sublime qualities evoke images of Josh Groban crossed with a touch of Roch Voisine. 

From the beginning of a set-list fused in joie de vivre, Matt and his band delivered on every song. I anticipated some of my favourites such as Run, Come On Get Higher and Faster, yet I also became enthralled with Answering Machine and Kinks Shirt. While I was wound up in the strings of his guitar by the words he conveyed, my emotions got the best of me in hearing Birthday Girl and Bulletproof Weeks . 

  

Shayla on her 18th Birthday about to Bungee Jump over a bridge-147ft.

Looking around at the crowd, my heart pounded when I spotted a girl. She had her hair pulled back in a pony tail and was whipping it back and forth as her body swayed to the soul of Matt and his band mates. Clapping her hands, she belted out every song and at one point during a ballad, brought out her lighter. I could not take my focus off of her…then, I realized why. This young, exuberant woman reminded me of my own daughter. It was as if for one night, I could see in this stranger the beautiful essence of who Shayla is and will always be to me- alive in my heart. 

After the evening came to a close and Matt’s sweat had been released all over the stage, I revelled in my time shared with a room full of concert goers. In one night of music, Matt had brought us years of his lyrics and also as a storyteller with a wicked sense of humour- I will never look at David Lee Roth the same! 

Upon leaving, I walked up to the young lady who had given me much happiness and expressed to her how fortunate I was to be in the same room as she was! Her name is Kristine and she was with another woman named Renée. Both of them were gracious enough to hear about Shayla and how Kristine’s high-spirited attitude completed a brilliant night. 

When I look back on the many gigs Shayla and I attended together, it has been melodies which have been healing for the soul. Through the gifted words of other performers, I have risen from what I sometimes feel is an insurmountable loss. Also leading me out of the shadows is my steadfast faith and hope for better days.

Even though sometimes I can feel lost in the world… I take comfort in knowing that I also can lose myself... in the music. 

By T.L. Alton