The Butterfly Effect

“They seemed to suddenly come upon happiness as if they had surprised a butterfly in the winter woods.”  ~ Edith Wharton

In order to convey the passion of The Heart Pebble Movement, I feel the importance of sharing is key to its existence. *To fashion an inner story of our pain carries us into the heart of it, which is where rebirth inevitably occurs.

Although I spent nine days in Maui, I am going to dedicate this as my last entry regarding the tropical paradise I was immersed in. In my previous Blog titled: 9 Days of Tasting the Rainbow, I posted every day I was in Hawaii and therefore feel the need to move onward is important.  Although not wanting to appear redundant, I wish to share about another display of grace. This one instilled in me that my daughter was ‘with me in the spirit of aloha,’ the whole time.  

It had become a daily ritual to me to walk from my hotel to the stretch of beaches that went onward for miles. I felt as if I was searching for something. A piece of me clearly was missing and as I gazed upwards to the heavens, my feet felt as if sand bricks were tied to them.   During my stay, I had placed pebbles all over the pristine island in the pacific; yearning to leave the mark of a young woman who should have been at my side, snorkelling.

Growing up, Shayla`s constant evolving was much like a butterfly. The ancient Greek word for butterfly primarily means “soul or mind.”  My daughter`s emergence into this world saw her creating a legacy that saw her morph into a disposition of kindness, which companioned her thoughtfulness towards others. Always giving in nature, she reached out to those in need through her volunteering and effortless grace. Shayla`s need to fit in saw her do the exact opposite. She would dye her hair a multitude of colours, wear clothes from a thrift store which mirrored her own unique style. Shayla stood out without even trying and at the depths of the core of who she was; her gradual change brought forth new discoveries about herself.

As I settled into the warm sand, the tiny grains tickling my bare feet; I closed my eyes and imagined what it would feel like to hold my babygirl`s hand in mine. I envisioned her strands of burgundy hair, gently being caressed by the ocean breeze. The deep pools of blue glints in her eyes that saw her evoke such powerful emotions.  The sudden rush of tears came upon me and when I looked towards the sky, the vision of display before me left me breathless.

Appearing in the clouds was an unusual sight. Amidst the darkened clouds, was the clear image of a glowing, white butterfly. The wingspan overshadowing the seaside instilled in me that somehow from the “other side” my sweet angel was letting me know, she would forever be with me.

I cannot explain what I saw or rationalize the vibrant depiction over the pacific and I had no need to delve further into the matter. I know what I saw gave me hope; a desire to cling further to my faith and a need to carry onward. However, it lent itself to a theory known as the butterfly effect, which is the dependence on initial conditions, where a small change at one place in a nonlinear system can result in large differences to a later state. The name of the effect was coined by Edward Lorenz. It intrigued me, yet I smiled, knowing my observations were somehow meant just for me.

This experience and others I indulged in did not make me immune to strife; if anything it opened me up to it more and the unfolding of other beautiful stories.  Soon, I would discover The Heart Pebble Movement was only beginning to make its ripple effects known.    

By T L. Alton

*Quote by Sue Monk Kidd