Seaside Remembrance

Whether a visitor or kama'aina (resident), the beauty of the Hawaiian Islands inspires the heart and mind.  ~ Unknown

My time spent in Maui exposed me to layers of sadness that were interwoven with its beauty andunearthed to me on a daily basis. On my second day, I partook in a snorkeling/boat tour. This would prove to be a challenge as this was not just another day in paradise; this was Shayla’s 22^nd birthday- without her. I was not feeling well and did not want to get out of my bed, let alone prepare for an early boat/ snorkeling cruise. As I showered, the tears cascading down the drain, I trembled from the grief trapped inside. There would be no cake, no gifts and essentially, no guest.  I had opened a new door to walk thru, a trapdoor of emotions where I would spend my daughter’s birthday in 22 years, without my babygirl. I had booked a tour to spend most of the day underwater; appropriately so as then I could hide my crying.

Our first stop was to Molokini Crater, well-known for its clear water and incredible array of undersea life, including Milletseed Butterfly fish.  After I spent some time snorkeling at Molokini, the boat tour made a second stop at "Turtle Town" where I swam along with Hawaiian green sea turtles. These brilliant reptiles are endangered and carefully guarded, so they are not disrupted in their natural habitat. While coasting along in the pacific waters, we were given an extraordinary display of Humpback whales. These outstanding views granted us dazzling photo opportunities of these creatures and the majestic Maui coast. For the most part, I was doing well, that was until the Captain of the boat announced that two guests on board were celebrating…birthdays. He encouraged everyone onboard to sing not once, but twice, the stinging melody of Happy Birthday. I glanced over the boat, to see if it was possible to jump overboard. Not wanting to bring the others down, I chimed in while the whole time I wished for a tidal wave to sweep me over. Afterwards, the music was put on to blare through the speakers. The salty air settled into me and with emotions riding high, I was not prepared for the next thing to happen. As the song began to play, I burst into tears. It was one of Shayla’s favourites. A British group called “The Kooks” were introduced to my daughter thru my English boyfriend. The lyrics are about the sea and the melody is called “Seaside.” I simply could not hold it in any longer and wept openly.

Arriving back, I decided to take a stroll along the beach. I found a petite bit of coral that was heart shaped. During this time to myself, I had accepted that my grief was rooted and bound up in the love I had for Shayla. It was as if Mother Nature had opened my spirit and revealed to me forms of splendour that was always at my feet. Throughout the brilliance of being in Maui, I dispersed pebbles of Shayla’s in unexpected places. On this special day of remembrance, I have chosen not to share where I put everyone.

I ended the night by lounging by the moonlight at the pool and before I retired to slumber, I snapped a few lovely photos to remind me of this day. It was something of a hidden treasure to find I was graced with strength that I never believed I had. In the days to come, I would trust in the process unfolding and discover my beloved daughter was with me, in memories and always in my heart.

http://youtu.be/ZvR8tEi5x98

By T L. Alton