Shayla ~ I WAS HERE

I Was Here ~ Beyonce

I wanna leave my footprints on the sands of time

Know there was something that, and something that I left behind

When I leave this world, I'll leave no regrets

Leave something to remember, so they won't forget

I was here...

I lived, I loved

I was here...

I did, I've done, everything that I wanted

And it was more than I thought it would be

I will leave my mark so everyone will know

I was here...

http://youtu.be/CpIDR9I7hbM

The lapse in my posts was due to me travelling back, over nine months later to the crash site where my daughter, Shayla died on December 12, 2011. The trip was full of myriad bursts of emotions. To be standing at the exact spot where your child passed away, is to invite a thousand splinters of pain, into an open wound. The first time back since then, I closed my eyes and breathed in the invisible snowflakes that once fell on last Christmas, where I kneeled in layers of frost; the crunching of my weary soul ensnared in that tragic day. This trip was inexplicably different. Even though once again it saw me stay at Shayla’s father house, a deep sense of relief overwhelmed my broken spirit. Only minutes away from the reservoir our daughter crashed into, this is the road he has to travel everyday, which claimed the life of a young woman full of promise. I could never do this as the images of that twisted day remain and was thankful I lived far away. Unknown to me, during these travels, I would expose my tattered heart to those who shared my anguish.  I have discovered the mysterious journey of grief is something that attaches on the sentiments to the person that is being mourned.  Through the creation of The Heart Pebble Movement, it has sanctioned a cause that anyone can participate in and allow the release of emotions to travel as a companion, by its side.

During my week stay, I would find myself drawn to this wide hole of the McKinley Reservoir that seemed to play a game of hide and seek; to remind me that this basin water was here first and I had to come to terms with its magnitude. One of the first things I needed to do, was to clean up the roadside memorial, I had created when Shayla passed away. I found items that still remained and things that were gone.  I knew I had to breathe new life into this spot, where my daughter’s vehicle had crashed and flipped over a 30 ft embankment.  I was to do this for many reasons; yet the main one was to remind those travelling to slow down! It was agony to see vehicles speed by, as if my precious babygirl meant nothing to them! There were times I had to move suddenly out of the way as a car sped around that treacherous McKinley Landing corner.  I was shocked at the disregard for a road that previous to Shayla’s tragic death had seen many others go into the McKinley Landing Reservoir. The only difference was those people had been blessed to survive! No one is immune from the clutches of that road, with soft gravel sides and unpredictable black ice conditions; it is a menace to those who under estimate its wickedness, travelling upon the asphalt. After I spent my time cleaning up the memorial, I went into town and over the next few days, added a yellow teddy bear, fresh flowers, several angel ornaments, and a new photograph of Shayla. I tied two letters onto the memorial: S.D. (Shayla Driver) I would later find out many people travelling on the road would see it as a strong reminder to “SLOW DOWN!”  I also held in the palm of my hand, three precious pebbles from my daughter’s collection. These stones all represented something of value. Snowflake Obsidian for TRUTH, Botswana Agate for RELEASE and Aventurine for HEALING of HEART, MIND and SOUL. ..One by one, they were tossed into the McKinley Landing Reservoir. I stood knowing change would soon be coming to this treacherous road and new beginnings were to occur, because of my greatest loss…other lives would be saved. Suddenly, I looked down upon my sandals covered with endless droplets from my fatigued body. I closed my eyes and this time I heard crickets, the water lapping at the extended shoreline and I breathed in autumn. A wave of sentiments overcame me, knowing I had not been able to start the grieving needed to release the thunder crashing within.

There is more to this unforeseen voyage I have taken with strength that I can only describe as Heaven sent. Am I fragmented into sections of grief that I do not even understand? Yes!…in more places I can begin to describe. I may not understand what my role in this world is now, but I am certain that Shayla’s death was not in vain! On October 1^st, work began on McKinley Road that will see safety measures installed.  Fours day before, I had been asked to remove the temporary memorial as construction crews would place it in a bin. There is no words to describe the feelings surging through me as I took piece by piece, the things I had placed a week before. After wards, all that remained was dirt, the markers and solitude.  Searching for a rock, I found a large stone and placed it at the crash site, upon an envelope that had inside a card, from me, thanking the crew who would work on the road. It was a gentle reminder that because of my daughter’s tragic death, that CHANGE finally came to McKinley Landing! For Shayla Rae Dawn Driver, has left her mark as a Concrete Angel – someone who watches over those in that area, in the darkest of nights, my babygirl will indeed shine the light!  The road repairs will be done by November 15^th, 2011. Our family has been given approval for a permanent roadside memorial.  Next weekend, I am to meet with the design team who we want to commission the commemorative monument. It is our hope to see it installed before the one year mark of our daughter’s death.

One side note to this is I found out last week, at a Safety Measures Meeting, that a memorial bench has been purchased in Shayla’s name and as an honour to this extraordinary, young woman. It will be placed somewhere near Okanagan Lake or in the McKinley Landing residential area. I was informed by a lady name Diane about the bench creation. I was moved to tears that others value what Shayla gave in order for alterations to be made to the terrible stretch of road. There are those who have been supportive and shown compassion to me. I wish I could say that everyone felt this way.

What matters to me is this winter; a bus driver with a load of children will be able to drive McKinley knowing it has been made safer! I use to tell my daughter that someday she would “MOVE MOUNTAINS!” Now, as I dream of better days, I know that my sweet angel has literally accomplished that and much more!