Steeped in Tea

“Writing is a job, a talent, but it's also the place to go in your head. It is the imaginary friend you drink your tea with in the afternoon.”

― Ann Patchett, Truth and Beauty

Posting on this blog has been ‘free therapy’ for me. It allows a place for my grief to go; a means to let loose some of the anguish I feel. Yet, at the same time, I express only what I chose to…enough that I am able to maintain my private thoughts and honour the life of my beloved daughter. 

Yesterday, came unannounced a “Grief Day.” It is when I let myself give into the tears and emotions of Shayla’s passing and step back to a place in time. Where I can release what tends to get bottled up inside.

 While others I know are camping, travelling, out in a boat on the open waters and generally enjoying their summer vacations, I closed the windows, drew the blinds and put a DVD into the CD player. This was neither fiction, nor a movie…it was a copy of Shayla’s Celebration of Life.  I recall the first time I viewed it; I had no idea the service had been recorded. It was a shock, then a strange feeling of comfort, to see everyone in attendance. At the front of the pews, was a touching display of my daughter’s life. In watching it over again, my eyes were drawn to a radiant flag of fabulous colours.  It was indicative of a rainbow warrior’s cloak. As rays of sun filtered through every aspect of it, a luminous quality seemed to beam within the flag itself. Seeing this cherished gift once again, after time had passed, brought a flood of memories that I shared with a girl named Angela Norkum. I always knew her as Ange. The flag on display was from her and her mother, Joan. They had also contributed countless bead bracelets, in memory of Shayla. I wore my kaleidoscope weaved bangle, until it finally gave way- a year and half after the passing of my daughter. 

 In 2007,we met through Teaching English as a Second Language (TESL). Though our friendship seemed short, the reality was that we packed an incredible amount of adventures in the time we spent together. 

It was with Ange I spent endless hours creating lessons plans for TESL. When an opportunity came to raise funds and awareness for the BC Schizophrenia Society, Ange and her best friend Kelsey participated in a one of a kind road trip. The four of us found ourselves, on Shayla’s 18^th Birthday, standing sans clothing, on a bridge, overlooking the river in Nanaimo. We were about to participate in the Annual Naked Bungee Jump at WildPlay Element Park. At the end of February, each of us jumped off the bridge- an approx. 150 feet- over the Nanaimo River. This is one of those times that when I look back and recall this escapade, I instantly begin to smile! 

 When I moved to the coast, it was Ange who drove the U-Haul to the new place. Over the years, there were many sleep-over’s and even a surprise visit from Shayla and Ange, to celebrate my birthday. All three of us attended a Brad Paisley concert in Vancouver and it was my friend who assisted with ShaeHarmony. Driving from Kelowna to Kamloops, she had a busy schedule, filled with other activities and yet she sat in the hot sun at the main entrance, to take part in the bursary fundraiser. Her presence meant more to me than I believe she realized. To show appreciation, I gave her a cherished tea cup and saucer that were from my grandmother. It had been passed along to Shayla, who was thrilled at the time to receive it. The meaning of it also represented a quote that I had shared with Ange…giving reference to meeting her for tea, we would sip on the ceiling and share about our lives.

A gift from Ange which brings such emotion is the vibrant painting she did of Shayla, of her backside. The details of each colourful part of the wing, spanning across a blue sky, is something I treasure dearly. A unique spot represents my daughter’s birthmark…we share the identical one.  This multi-coloured canvas is on display, next to Shayla’s memorial in the new place. The creativity she has is forged within her family; Ange's mother Joan is a gifted artist. Currently, in my small office, I have a 'vision board.' This inspiring display holds many precious things to me; notably-my rainbow bead bracelet. It was created by Ange and is draped in pastel green and pink ribbon over a swirl of dragonfly patterns. Shayla had a beautiful one made by our friend. Although I wanted it, her ex-boyfriend David has kept it, for whatever purpose it now lends itself to.

When Ange’s sister was getting married in Hawaii, my friend went snorkeling. She took part in The Heart Pebble Movement by releasing a ‘pebble’ for Shayla. The rose quartz gemstone had etched on it a smiley face.  This was a fitting tribute to a young girl-who in every picture-was always grinning. 

The last time I saw Ange, I felt comfortable enough to shed tears and openly speak of my loss. She wrote in the memorial journal I have for Shayla and hugged me while I wept. My friend wasn’t solely an acquaintance of mine, she embraced my daughter too. They shared special times between them that saw camaraderie of their friendship. 

The saying goes about someone who is in your life for a season or a reason…I believe Ange was there for both. We had memories which most people never get to share in a lifetime. She is an ambitious, young woman who I always held great respect for.

With endeavours to teach English in Japan, she continues to follow her dreams… with a purpose she has always carried with her, since the day we first met.

By T.L. Alton