Beyond the Books

 Teachers who inspire realize there will always be rocks in the road ahead of us...whether stumbling blocks or stepping stones; it all depends on how we use them.  ~Author Unknown

In 2007, I was accepted into the Teaching English as a Second Language (TESL) program at Okanagan College. The transition back into school was not easy, as I had to apply for funding and make a solid case for my return to educate myself. Now in my thirties, the challenges I faced were enormous. I had to prove my desire to return to school was worthwhile the financial support I would receive. After a lengthy process and many hours dedicated to my goals, I was approved for a grant and started the TESL program in autumn.

Dini Steyn, born in Holland and raised in South Africa, was the facilitator of our group, and the one who coordinated discussions. Her style of lessons focussed on each of us being treated as equals, while our immersion into a variety of cultures, helped us as a teaching tool.

Even as we prepared ourselves for every class, one memory of Dini stands out amongst the rest. We arrived in class and settled into our seats.  Our teacher spoke of the many cultures that are part of our country and the struggles each newcomer to Canada encounters.  To help us better understand what it feels like to come to a foreign land and try to assimilate, Dini informed us that she would be teaching us her own language for the first part of the class. Without further delay, she spoke to all of us in Afrikaans and acted like we were suppose to understand. It did not take long for the sinking feeling of confusion and helplessness to overwhelm me. I looked at my peers and also saw the look of bewilderment on their faces.  

Afterwards, our teacher spoke of a four-part television series with facilitator, participant guide and website she managed entitled, Walk a Mile: The Immigrant Experience in Canada. © 2000. Open Learning Agency. We watched a segment with keen interest. I had always been mindful of other cultures, but naive in how placing an order for food can become a distressing task to those unfamiliar with the complex English language. This one day of instruction has stayed with me and I have used the knowledge I gained from Dini, in many ways; especially since relocating to the coast.

My teacher’s methods of teaching have instilled in me skills that are conveyed in my daily writing. If ever I find myself in need of diversity and wanting to tap into the integration of our society, I fondly recall what I was taught by Dini.

One of the other highlights in TESL was when Dini gave permission for Shayla to attend one of the classes, where I was giving a lesson. Seeing the pride emitted from my daughter, as she watched me teach, was a moment I will cherish always.

It has been five years since my classroom days were filled with idioms, avoidance of the passive voice and the importance of laughter. Yet the communication has remained between Dini and me. We transitioned from teacher-student, to becoming friends. Her support of my aspirations, while always maintaining an encouraging perspective, has seen me through many ordeals.

It was when I suffered the greatest loss of my life that I found my former teacher and now friend, a vast supporter as I grieved for my daughter.  Dini attended both the Celebration of Life for Shayla on December 12, 2011 and the recent Candle Light Memorial at McKinley Park. She embraced The Heart Pebble Movement by placing two special ‘pebbles’ I gave her from Shayla’s collection. The first one was immersed at the Oxbow Campsite- one of Dini’s favourite campsites in Penticton, British Columbia. The surrounding Skaha Lake also holds a connection to Shayla, as we use to live in the area and she would play in the waters.  The other pebble was placed recently in the Caribbean while Dini enjoyed a cruise, along the Atlantic Ocean. Opalite is actually sea opal glass and has a brilliant iridescent hue to it. It is a stone of personal power, known to improve one's sense of self-worth. Along with these empowering qualities, it also engenders the related quality of inner strength. Emotionally, Opalite is useful when undergoing great change, as it assists in making smooth transitions. I have learned long ago not to question the function or travels of these pebbles, as they always seem to find the right person.  My friend has inspired me, comforted me and given of herself while I mourn. In the elements of the Opalite, I see a mirror reflection of Dini’s attributes; a person who is dedicated to instilling one's sense of self and the inner strength she enjoys as a teacher. Now when I look back, it is with gratitude, for the many lessons I learned were beyond the books and stumbling blocks.

By T L. Alton

Awakenings

“It scares me how hard it is to remember life before you. I can't even make the comparisons anymore, because my memories of that time have all the depth of a photograph. It seems foolish to play games of better and worse. It's simply a matter of is and is no longer.” ~ David Levithan

For me, quotes untangle the tears from my memories and separate the struggles from my journey. In wanting to express about a place of importance, I found this passage that resonates how I am feeling. Every night I go to bed as a broken soul and in the morning I awaken as a new beginning. I dare to believe that by pressing onward, the gloom that waits to inhabit my sorrow will open way, to the joy that wants to take up residence.

While still in McKinley Landing, I was able to meet with Brad Dahl, current President of the McKinley Home Owners Association (MLRA). Prior to our getting together, he had sent me an email, which expressed his condolences and spoke of a proposed memorial bench as a tribute to Shayla. His detailed message full of sincerity also focused on the matter of seeking resolution. Mr. Dahl spoke of his pursuit to see the rest of McKinley Landing Road, eventually repaired to safety standards. I agreed with his mission, as the entire road needs an overhaul, for other spots are dangerous and need to be fixed.

I care about this terrible road, because my daughter, who wanted to change the world, has opened up my eyes. By standing up for what is right; it allows the world to be lifted of the darkness that was December 12, 2011.

Mr. Dahl met up with Shayla’s father, Dave and me at Dewdney Beach Access #1, to show us the proposed location of the memorial bench. He welcomed us to a magnificent spot, where ponderosa pines towered over the sloping area. Being someone who is passionate about trees, I researched the significance about pines. The representation of the pine tree is that it stands for immortality and as a tribute to strong character because it holds up against rough winds.  Additionally, pine trees are deliberately planted in cemeteries because they represent eternal life, and pine cones embody the continuity and renewal of Life. After searching out what they symbolize, I knew this location was meant to be.

As the men chatted, I looked out towards Okanagan Lake, where Shayla had immersed herself into the splendid waters. She had spent many of her years, growing up in McKinley and this extravagant neighborhood had been her playground. Looking at the brilliant vision, I agreed completely with Mr. Dahl’s observation of the breath taking and spectacular views that surrounded where we stood.

As we walked further, he pointed out the newly built stairs that lead to the pristine shoreline. After we had spoke in greater detail about the bench in Shayla’s memory, I thanked Mr. Dahl for all of his efforts and sincerity. I then excused myself as I told them I wanted to be by myself for awhile.

The minute my hand held onto the freshly constructed staircase, it brought me an instant sense of comfort. Once down at the beach, I gazed out to the waters, removing my mask of courage and allowing myself to breath in the sweetness of my pain. For as a grieving mother, there are those I share my tears with and others which never will see a drop. Since I must be strong at times which are deemed by the moments I find myself in; most often, unexpectedly…I find myself withholding my emotions.

I began to stroll along the rocks and looked up, with interest. Suddenly, my attention was drawn to a stone leading to where I was walking along.  It was a lovely shaped heart, whose essence brought me a moment of grace. Continuing onto the right of me was a private dock, where I recalled many photographs of my daughter, sitting, laughing and being a silly teenager. I felt my smile marked with the saltiness of my tears. This release for me saw my eyes close as I imagined Shayla on the pier that creaked with the surging waters. I placed a red jasper heart stone, gleaming and all in its splendor on the wood bench. It is known as the ‘Warrior Stone,’ as it gives strength and courage. What drew me to this polished rock was the wavy ivory vein that runs thru it. This reminds me of the unsteadiness of my own heart, fractured and seeking repair.

After recognizing the need to see where Shayla had made endless memories, I returned back to the shoreline. I found a unique branch from an abandoned piece of driftwood and put my offering in the small branches. It was an extraordinary piece of hematite. Native American folklore states that war paint made from hematite will make one invincible in battle. People in the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries wore hematite jewelry during mourning. There was a need to release this indigo pebble into the waters, where I believe Shayla shined in her own legacy; she left behind change to McKinley Landing Road.

My time spent at Dewdney Beach saw a fragment of myself mend as I reacted to the natural elements. It was because of those residents in McKinley like Brad Dahl, Shane Jamieson, Jenn Reid, Pauline Keilty, Bob and Jacqueline Gablehouse, who made me feel the reason of my journey, was well worth being involved.

On the eve of the Candle Light memorial, I mentioned the need to further raise funds and awareness of the bench to honour my babygirl, Shayla Rae Dawn. It is my hope that someday, when I do return to this special location, there will be a place for me to sit and pay tribute to her warrior spirit.

By T L. Alton

Pebbles that Built Bridges

“ The only difference between stumbling blocks and stepping stones is the way you use them.”

The travels of the pebbles placed in Shayla's memory have travelled around the globe. They are sometimes dropped off a cliffside, arranged in a neat pattern, or held in the hands of their owners; a prize meant for their reverence.

The following photographs express the beautiful spirit of these pebbles that have built invisible bridges, uniting others in their significance.

Sarah's contributions to The Heart Pebble Movement have seen her release many incredible stones. When I met with her one day at a Pier near one of Shayla's favourite beaches, I was not expecting to see such an extraordinary 'pebble.' She had it most of her life and felt it was time to free it into the depths of the dark sea. The splash it made was monumental, as kids gathered around to see the endless ripples, Sarah and I embraced. This touching gesture remains one of the highlights of seeing firsthand a pebble meeting a source of water.

The others are just as important in their meaning and placement. From the beginning my intention was to write about the pebbles being spread across the earth, as a tribute to Shayla. I want to continue to honour this phenomenal movement that has brought me comfort and grace in a time filled with such uncertainty.

By T L. Alton

Resonating the Transformation of Grief

While most people may have been worrying about the end of the world, I was wrapped up in remembering the one day when my everyday life with Shayla came to an end. Today marks one year ago I stood amongst my daughter’s family, friends and loved ones to give the Eulogy at her funeral.  I chose to honour my babygirl with a Celebration of her Life, to capture the essence of who my daughter was and convey the brilliant legacy she left behind.

There is a quote that best echoes my feelings right now…

They say that from the instant she lays eyes on her, a mother adores her daughter. Whoever she grows up to be, she is always to her mother, that little girl in pigtails…. She makes her feel like Christmas. In exchange, she keeps a secret promise not to see the awkwardness of her teenage years, the mistakes she makes or the secrets she carries…for these qualities are priceless and only seen in the bonds of motherhood. ~UNKNOWN

Ask anyone who has lost someone they loved about time standing still. For me 3:42 are numbers etched onto a heart now stitched with mourning. This number matters only to me as I continue this path of “if onlys.” Shayla was a reflection of me and now that the mirror is shattered, I have to answer to myself…no longer can I count on her.

I have tried ceaselessly in my dreams to stand at Heaven’s gate and demand to know what my lot in life is.  My feet have waded through snow covered hillsides, searching for my daughter, yet all I find is stillness. My words are weighed down like pebbles in a stream, the flow of water taking along with them …my emotions.

On this one year mark, the deep questioning continues, but what remains steadfast is my faith.  I have never blamed God for taking my only precious child, nor have I asked, “Why Me?”  What I have done is to be the voice of Shayla, silenced on December 12, 2011. I have done this without my own family present in my life, as I considered myself an ‘orphan’ long ago. I have stood up, when others expected me to crumble and I made sure that everyone who possibly could know my daughter’s name certainly did.

After Shayla was killed on McKinley Landing Road, I had a choice…to simply walk away and do nothing, grieve in silence and possibly become bitter inside or to campaign for change, making that stretch of road safer for others. My objective is to prevent future tragedies from occurring and assist those who have also suffered the death of a child. My beautiful babygirl lived such a vibrant life; her positive ways impacting those in her own community. If I hold onto only regret, I would be consumed by the same iniquity that has wormed its way into the roots of my own family.

The decision to be better even while in the throes of despair has not been an easy journey. Yet I have taken the gifts given to me in the form of a extraordinary daughter and weaved my own loss into the writing I share here.

Today, as I muddled thru, I was searching for a sign that some way, somehow Shayla was with me…if only watching over me. After speaking with my best friend in Alberta, who knew how hard this day would be on me, I decided to go into town. This was not an easy thing for me to do and I was reluctant to enter stores smothered in holiday debris. Upon entering a local business, I found myself with an empty basket, floating aimlessly down each aisle with no purchases in sight. Suddenly, I realized I was in the toy department and I started to look for the way out. It was then I was approached by an older lady, who had a little boy tucked into a cart. She whispered to me, “Could I ask you a big favour?” I hesitated to even answer, but then noticed her pointing to a stack of packaged toys on a shelf. “I am going around the corner and when I distract my little grandson, can you please put these presents for him under the cart?” In an instant, I felt my heart over come with warmth and a smirk on my face; I gave her a wink and nodded in agreement. I would help a grandmother with her secret shopping. Abruptly, my thoughts went back to one of my all time favourite holiday shows: How the Grinch Stole Christmas and the part where he hands out the presents to the people of Who Ville. This was exactly how I felt as I do not have a tree or presents, baubles, stockings or wreaths. It was as if Shayla was a heavenly Cindy Lou Who, smiling from above and letting me know that Christmas in whatever form, would always remain in my heart.

By T L. Alton

Identity of a Skyscraper

You can take everything I have

You can break everything I am

Like I'm made of glass

Like I'm made of paper

Go on and try to tear me down

I will be rising from the ground

Like a skyscraper…

Like a skyscraper…

Demi Lovato ~ SKYSCRAPER

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_8ydghbGSg&feature=share&list=PLE06249B1ECDB83F8

My travels over the past month have seen me spend time in Kamloops with Mindy, visiting and sharing with Lori in Salmon Arm and having Shayla’s fathers’ home as a place of refuge while I dealt with McKinley Road.

There was also moments of grace; where closure finally replaced the welcome mat of grief and allowed me to find peace in unresolved matters. At the University my daughter once attended, there were apologies full of sincerity instead of excuses, for things and people that will remain nameless. What mattered was Shayla was finally bestowed the respect she rightfully deserved. Upon seeing McKinley Road fixed with all of the safety measures now in place, I touched the asphalt, knowing my precious daughter’s life was what paved the change!

My time in Kamloops, spent with Mindy was enjoyable as the laughter and stories we shared saw me immersed in a world where sorrow took a mini-vacation. In the previous months, her friendship has blossomed into an understanding that just as my life is unpredictable, so can be my moods. She embraces those times when I became sullen; she lets me know it is alright to show emotion.  One of favourite quotes reminds me of Mindy and reflects what we have.

“I love people who make me laugh. I honestly think it's the thing I like most, to laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. It's probably the most important thing in a person.” ― Audrey Hepburn

Another dear friend who has seen me through such heartache is Lori. The boundaries of our relationship have been tested over this past year since Shayla passed away. Being immersed in my own world of grief has unravelled a tapestry of anguish; making me walk in the spirit of my loved one on a daily basis. I have spoken before about testing a friendship; one only needs to share in a tragedy together. It has been a struggle for us as two people who are nurturers try to take care of one another, when the reality is we need to look after ourselves first. That being said, I have always felt protective of her and care deeply about her well- being. It is frustrating when the misery becomes a wedge in two best friends who have endured a great deal together. In saying this, the bonds of our relationship although tested, have forged an alliance in what Shayla would have wanted- enriching our lives, rather than allowing grief to tear us apart. Through all of this, I have come to realize that my inundation of the loss of my daughter is my own personal journey and not one that any other-besides me as her mother- can take. As grief does not come with a step by step manual, every person’s reaction to it may be different.

The permanent monument was hand-picked from Burnco Landscaping in Langley. The friendly staff and Management were kind and generous in letting me have the stone for free. I then had  it designed by Surrey Monument Co. Thankfully, it arrived by the time limit we had set. On December 3, it was installed by three men –friends of the family-at the reservoir. To see the granite stone placed into the concrete base was something dreamlike. It was out of the ordinary and yet it seemed as if it was arriving home, in the place where it should be and will remain as a loving tribute to my daughter. On December 12-the one year mark- of her tragic death, we gathered as a family to pay respects, share personal reflections and stories of our beloved Shayla. It was very difficult to look at the frigid waters below us and be reminded of that terrible day. Yet, what shocked all of us the most was some of the drivers who were speeding around the reservoir, oblivious in thinking: It will NEVER happen to me!  Not only is this showing disrespect for a life taken in order to bring change, but also a disregard for safe travels on McKinley! It took only 4 minutes before Shayla and her vehicle were submerged in the icy waters and her life came to an end! I cannot stress enough to those who continue to text, chat on a cell or speed, anytime- anywhere, that your life could change in an instant! Shayla was not doing any of these things and yet she succumbed to her car accident. I will never forget the sound of the Policeman’s footsteps on my stairs and do not want others to go thru what I have had to-the nightmare of this past year! My hope is that if vehicles slow down when they see the granite monument ~ Stone of Protection, then its purpose is being well-served.

On the day of December 12, I was joined by my boyfriend Paul, Shayla’s father Dave, my best friend Lori, and her two children, Sean and Melissa, along with their friend Stephanie at the TREE of MEMORIES. It is a special Christmas tree in the outdoors, at the Kelowna Memorial Park Cemetery, where people can place an ornament in remembrance of their loved ones. We placed several to honour those who passed away within the last year. It use to be a tradition that Shayla and I participated in. Now, as a grieving mother, I stood there with my broken heart gripped with trepidation over having to place a snowflake with Shayla’s name on it.

Later that evening, people gathered with their candles lit, to hear me speak of my daughter. I recall standing on the playground equipment in McKinley Park, while droplets of sadness fell upon the jacket I wore that once belonged to my babygirl. Gazing out amongst the flickering candles, I opened myself up to be able to share the music and poetry; all connected to Shayla. As the CD player rang out the song “Let it be,” I was overcome with emotion. After reading the words of a poem written by my sweet Angel, I found myself gazing towards the night sky. This night was a Celebration of her Life and the heavens were the audience, even if only for a brief time. On the night of the Candle Light Memorial, an older lady named Diane came to me with her husband. Diane gets by with a walker. She told me how she had lost a loved one, many years ago in a car accident. Diane shared how she goes to the crash site where Shayla passed away and fixes up the flowers, and also has brought new items to add to it! I was overwhelmed by this woman's devotion to tending to my daughter's memorial and moved to tears now that Diane has a permanent place in the form of the Granite Stone Monument, to visit. To me, Diane is an Angel!

The Heart Pebble Movement has made such an incredible ripple into this world and I am so happy Shayla’s legacy carries on. I look back on this past year and see how there have been such extraordinary moments in time, when my worries would not let me rest, someone would send me a picture of a pebble they had placed and suddenly I would be uplifted! Another thing I am blessed with is all of the prayer's from people! For me, my walk with Faith is what has seen me through such tragedy. If, I could have one simple wish, it would be for others to see what believing in something can do...bringing us all together in peace this season and into the New Year. Now back home, I know in my heart that Shayla's light will continue to shine!

The song, “Skyscraper” reminds me of my relationship with grief and what it CANNOT take from me. The video speaks volumes on rising up from all of the despair and somehow finding the strength to carry on.

By T L. Alton

Love Sewn into a Tapestry of Colourful Memories

The moment a child is born, the mother is also born.  She never existed before.  The woman existed, but the mother, never.  A mother is something absolutely new.  ~Rajneesh

To be a mother is to embrace labour in more ways than being expectant. It is to observe the heart of a woman that does not have to give birth naturally to have the ties that bond one another. Shayla was one of those young women who was deeply loved by both me and another special lady.

Joanne Wilson is the mother of Shayla’s boyfriend, David. She was a woman who influenced my daughter in a harmonious way. When Shayla moved to Kamloops to attend University, it was a void that I struggled with. I knew she was seeking an education and when my daughter fell in love, the one thing she confided was how much Joanne reminded her of me. There was one difference though that separated the two of us. Where I had no natural skills to stitch and fashion things, Shayla and Joanne bonded over sewing and hemming beautiful creations. From hand-made purses, to Betty Boop pillow covers and pajamas, I marvelled at both their skills and connection they were sharing. When visiting me, Shayla would proudly show off her newly sewn articles. Through Joanne, she gained pride in her work and a desire to take pieces of fabric to turn into something she treasured. I could not imagine Joanne’s passion for sewing would be the gift granted to me, 11 months after my daughter had passed.

Back in January, I stayed with David at the home he shared with my daughter. I spent weeks sorting through her life and went through closets of clothes. Joanne had made a request for any special t-shirts, dresses, etc to be given to her, once I was done with my donations to a local woman’s’ shelter. In the end, I gave several bags to her, knowing she would embark on creating something extraordinary. What I had not considered was the dramatic impact it would have on my life in a positive way.

Two weeks ago, I contacted Joanne to say I was in the city to present the Bursary in Shayla’s memory at Thompson River’s University. She asked to come over where I was staying. I looked forward to seeing her again. I have come to value and see in this woman, what Shayla did…a mother who sacrificed for all of her children and has a loving heart, with much to give.

Arriving the next morning, with one of her daughters, Joanne presented me with the most exquisite two-sided handmade quilt that I have ever seen! It took her and her sister only two months to complete a present in which no language conveys my gratitude. It embodies the heroism of Shayla, her devotion to her community and the non-profit organizations she lent her time too. There is the Orangutan Foundation t-shirt Shayla was passionate about in fighting against the use of Palm oil products. Her Anti-Bullying statement she wore with pride, as someone who was subjected to the cruelty of others; Shayla was empowered to help others. The quilt also contains pieces of her past that are connected to dance; a glove from a performance, a felt hat with flames she loved to wear and her belly dancing string of coins that dangle from it. When I bought my daughter a henna kit, the first image sent to me was a spiral sun and the word: “LIFE” she inscribed with henna on her hand. This striking image is now surrounded with fragments of one of my angel’s first dresses when she was a little girl. There are two of Shayla’s favourite quotes that she lived by: Be the change you wish to see in this world and her very own saying: It’s okay to fight…as long as your fighting for Someone or Something!  The touching letters of her name ~ Shayla, are embroidered, along with my nickname for her…Babygirl. On both sides of this magnificent creation is the symbol that she had tattooed on her ankle- a red and black nautical star with the word Hope underneath. When I look at this quilt I see Shayla’s love and when I held it in my hands the first time, I shed a mother’s tears all over it. Wrapping my arms around Joanne, I fought back the desire to drape her incredible gift around me. This is a woman who deeply loved my daughter like her very own! The labour she gave came in the form of tenderly stitched together squares to blossom into a work of art, I will cherish forever.

On the eve of the Awards night, I showed up to the University. After presenting Annie Leonard, The Shayla Rae Dawn Driver Memorial Bursary, I brought out the quilt to share with others. Since then, I have shown it to Shayla’s father Dave, her sister Kim and friends. Today, I was presented another pay it forward gift in the form of a Reiki Practitioner, Pauline Keilty.  I met this vibrant woman in a store called Bone’s & Stones Décor. This lady coincidentally resides in McKinley Landing, not far from where Dave lives. She offered me a free session of Reiki and I was taken on a journey of the soul, unlike anything I have encountered since Shayla’s passing. Besides sharing stories and memories, I also told her of this lovely quilt. Pauline gave me the wonderful suggestion of having it placed in our guestroom as a means of focus; solitude and mediation for me, once I arrive back home. What makes it such a place of healing is the quilt will grace Shayla’s bed.

Throughout this trip, I have found my travels to be filled with much closure, with a lot more to learn and experience on this path of uncertainty.  Yet at the deep abyss of my broken heart, is a new chapter I feel is about to unfold in the New Year. The radiance that was Shayla’s light has now been fused into an amazing creation bore out of love from a woman who was my babygirl’s second mother.

Thank you Joanne, for the things you shared and the life lessons you taught Shayla. I am grateful that she had you be part of her world.  This connected you forever, over the sewing that saw her admire you as a mother and a mentor. Shayla will stay in your heart and in the recollections the two of you shared in the basement of your home. I look forward to being in the quietness of my own place and being able to give myself a ((HUG)) with the quilt; an essence of who our sweet angel will always remain.

By T L. Alton

Making CHANGE for a Pebble

It is interesting how one simple word can have variations of meaning. Over a year ago, if I was asked what “CHANGE” meant to me, I would have shrugged it off as simply some coins that jangle in your pocket. Now-almost a year later- nearing the day of my daughter’s passing, the word CHANGE means something entirely different.

I recall, back in the spring of 2011, Shayla and I sharing a video. It was not the usual new release or hit of the week song; unexpectedly the gift that we shared was in a 10 minute video called: “Change for a Dollar.” What it created between my daughter and I, was an opening to share how one person can make a difference.

http://youtu.be/kwtoQprjRgc

Fast forward to this year-when I was sent a photograph of a pebble-teetering at Horseshoe Falls. These magnificent waterfalls are part of the Niagara River and are found mostly on the Canadian side of the Canada- United States border. The Horseshoe part cascading over is one of the most impressive forces of nature. A dear friend of mine, Amanda, decided it was this specific location to release a pebble in memory of Shayla.

My friendship with Amanda is two-fold. First, this quote sums up how our connection goes deeper than the surface:

A friend is someone who can see the truth and pain in you even when you are fooling everyone else. – Unknown.

Secondly, she has encouraged me as a person living with a serious chronic illness, to embrace the uniqueness that shows my beauty. Amanda does not see me as having shortcomings; rather she notices my dreams aglow with aspiration. Even when life has given me a deluge of challenges, my friend listens to the burdens I have to share. She throws her arms around me to somehow carry the weight and the conviviality she offers, is part of her grace. With wisps of her crimson strands of hair, and a smile full of warmth, Amanda and I keep the doors of friendship open by accepting that change is a part of life.

The one thing that we never expected to share in was the loss of my beloved daughter. Since Shayla’s passing, I can recall telephone conversations where my hurt and anger spilled into the lines that connected us. There were tears crammed with more than liquid; every ounce of my pain was filtering through me. The sorrow was turned up on those discussions between us and with each connection we made; I know Amanda could truly sense my inexcusable loss.  Having met my babygirl left an imprint on my friend as Shayla has done on so many.

In wanting to share Amanda’s placement of the pebble at Niagara- Horseshoe Falls, I came upon the poignant video that Shayla and I had openly wept at.  I knew that in order to weave the structure of our friendship, the meaning of CHANGE and the beauty of a pebble; I needed to post a link to a video that everyone needs to see.

For me, CHANGE has stained my broken heart with loss, fury, vulnerability, and signified a demand for transformation of McKinley Landing Road. It spear-headed me as a mother grieving, to stand up for a young woman, whose voice was silenced on December 12, 2011.  CHANGE converted my abhorrence to those in power, who long ago NEVER did anything to fix the deadly stretch. In its place I am choosing to honour the safety measures finally now made, because of her tragic death.

The difference between a life ended suddenly and a life taken as a sacrifice for CHANGE is the legacy it leaves behind. I know with all my heart that Shayla’s passing will never be in vain! Every vehicle that travels over the road, near the icy waters of the reservoir is now separated from the same demise. A line of concrete barriers and alterations to the road represent the many lives it may save! 

Shayla’s emotion over the Change for a Dollar video was genuine. To put into words how I felt the first time seeing the portion of McKinley Landing fixed, is incomparable. Yet the message of not taking life for granted is parallel. I also feel this sense of connection with Amanda. She has been an advocate of all things and her own desire to make change in this world, is an inspiration to me.

For all the Amazing Amanda’s who never hesitate to care…this is for you!

"If you're alone, I'll be your shadow. If you want to cry, I'll be your shoulder. If you want a hug, I'll be your pillow. If you need to be happy, I'll be your smile... But anytime you need a friend, I'll just be me." – Unknown

By T L. Alton

Candle Light Memorial December 12~ Shayla Rae Dawn Driver

December 12, 2012 7:30 pm ~ McKinley Park

A night of remembrance~ sharing song and poetry

The following symbols within the image of the dancing girl

are reflective of Shayla and the legacy she leaves behind.

Representing transformation and her Aboriginal roots

- the Shoshone Indians believed the Great Spirit blew

the breath of life into pebbles, which then became butterflies.

Feathers signify virtues. Each feather symbolizes Charity, Hope, and Faith.

The Scarlet Red Oak Tree echoes the courage of a person of action.

Many people have gone to sit beneath the mighty Oak to gain strength and spiritual renewal.

The outside world can be forgotten and the inner world can slip back into perspective.

The Oak tree's mighty presence can help to restore faith in ourselves.

Joshua took a great stone, and set it under the oak that was in the sanctuary of the Lord.

~Joshua 24:26

Please unite in honouring Shayla’s passion for collecting stones, by joining in the heart pebble movement created by her bereaved mother, Tonya Alton

       

http://www.onecrashistoomany.com/

Campaign by Paul Hergott 

When Words to Live By Echo Reckoning

To sum up the past week: a series of events bringing closure and focused on having faith that all things happen for a reason.

My return to the blog I am passionate in sharing, comes on the tail end of days filled with pushing the limits of a bereaved parent. A wrapping up of unfinished business concerning Shayla has finally erupted in many apologies granted to both her father and I. Long overdue, to finally be at peace with things that have been out of my control, is like a cleansing of our broken hearts.

The main re-stitching of old wounds has come in the widening of a section of McKinley Landing. The drastic make-over of the road being finally given the safety measures needed is bittersweet. It only took 8 weeks for the changes to take place and help to ensure the secure travels of others. Seeing it for the first time, I felt a lump in my throat, knowing had the road been repaired years earlier, our precious daughter would still be alive! Hence the re-stitching may have occurred but not the actual healing.

I have attended two causes that are directly related to Shayla. The first took place last week in Kelowna, BC. It is a campaign formed by Paul Hergott called: “One Crash is Too Many.” The Mayor of Kelowna, Walter Grey proclaimed November 21, 2012 as “Day of Remembrance for Road Traffic Victims”, after a request by One Crash is Too Many. The origins of the cause was started in 1993 by a British charity called RoadPeace, and in 2005, the United Nation (U.N.) decided to make “World Day of Remembrance for Road Traffic Victims” the third Sunday of November.

I personally spoke with Paul and shared with him the loss of Shayla and the terrible impact it has had on all of our lives. I was grateful when he mentioned my daughter- as a name and not simply a statistic. I also stressed the legendary hazards of driving McKinley Landing and how the road has finally been repaired with several safety measures. I was able to meet and speak with Const. Kris Clark, whose mission in life is to see traffic-related accidents and deaths reduced through public awareness and taking responsibility on the roads.

Speaking with Castanet News and interviewed by reporter Jennifer Zielinski, I conveyed the message of how important it is for me as a bereaved mother that Shayla’s life had a value! Her purpose was to ‘Be the Change she wished to see in this world.’ Never could I imagine that I would be sharing with the world the enormous difference she made; a mark that signifies she was here and brought transformation to McKinley.

http://youtu.be/yQw4-KGGJgE

The other event we attended was Thompson Rivers University Awards Ceremony. Shayla’s father Dave and I proudly gave a $1,000.00 cheque to the deserving recipient, Annie Leonard.  We were overwhelmed with emotions; especially when we found out how Shayla and Annie had connected. It was as a result of Annie being bullied and our daughter standing up for her. We had taught Shayla to be a leader in life and knowing she had lived by those words, brought us such joy.

Annie’s kind heart was evident when she gave us a gift she originally had bought for Shayla- a lovely native print scarf. Last year, she had hoped to give it to our daughter as a present, when she returned from her visit in Kelowna. Sadly, she would never come back. In addition to the scarf, Annie gave me a crystal –like cube, which has hands open around a heart. This striking image reflects on the beauty of Shayla that resided within her care-free spirit. When we arrived at TRU, I brought along a gift from Joanne Wilson. She is the mother of Shayla’s boyfriend. She had come to see me and bestow upon me the most beautiful creation. A labour of love, she gave me a two-sided quilt. This extraordinary work of magnificence was connected to the suffering of my loss, yet in the most beautiful way. Months earlier, I had given Joanne several bags of Shayla’s clothes. This quilt consisted of t-shirts, purses, baby clothes, dance wear, quotes and personal items all belonging to our sweet angel. My tears spilled over it as I touched the brilliant memories each item contained. By sharing it with Annie, we were linked in the emotions, yet were able to reminisce about the girl with the golden heart.

This past week has been an exhausting journey; miles on the road travelled, bonding with people who love our babygirl. We met with individuals who we told of our daughter’s existence and finally wrapped ourselves around some much needed closure.   I am behind in my postings of pebbles, whose stories and images have been shared with me. I was okay with being temporarily ‘separated’ from my blog writing. I have been composing articles and sharing stories with publications and a website, who want to spread the legacy of our daughter.

In the midst of the darkness, I have possessed clarity.  In a turbid place of sorrow, my tears have reached the sea, knowing Shayla will always reside within me. She would want her momma to take time for herself and set new sails beyond the realms of grief. I feel though it will take months, even years before I can ascend the peaks of obtaining peace fully. In the meantime, I will continue The Heart Pebble Movement, as a way to remember a young girl so full of promise and life.

Almost a year later, I have transitioned from loving my daughter Shayla, to embracing the unseen but heartfelt angel that I am surrounded by.

By T L. Alton

http://www.onecrashistoomany.com/

                                                 Campaign by Paul Hergott

The Shape of My Heart

I am in the midst of moving and as I gaze upon the mounds of cluttered memories, I know I have no time to blog the usual in-depth posts I am use to writing. Therefore, I will be giving snippets of what has transpired in this moment of time.
Today, while beginning to unpack, I heard an old Faith Hill song on CMT. It stopped me in my tracks as I thought how it relayed to me how I am feeling.

You're Still Here ~ Faith Hill
Thought I saw you today
You were standing in the sun then you turned away
And I knew it couldn't be but my heart believed
Oh it seems like there's something everyday
How could you be so far away
When you're still here
When I need you you're not hard to find
You're still here
I can see you in my baby's eyes
And I laugh and cry
You're still here
I had a dream last night
That you came to me on silver wings of light
I flew away with you in the painted sky
And I woke up wondering what was real
Is it what you see and touch or what you feel
Cause you're still here
Oh you're everywhere we've ever been
You're still here
I heard you in a stranger's laugh
And I hung around to hear her laugh again
Just once again
Oh...
Thought I saw you today
You were standing in the sun then you turned away
Away...