Through the Eyes of a Child

The soul is healed by being with children. ~ Fyodor Dostoevsky 

Parker

As time passes by, I often think what it would be like to have become a grandmother. The joy of being able to hold a grandchild in my arms and see the legacy of mine and Shayla’s lives carry on, is something I have always yearned for. When my daughter passed away, I never believed I would experience the happiness of having another child in my life. Then a blue-eyed little girl, with freckles sprinkled across her cheeks and boundless strawberry curls, entered into my world. Her name is Parker and she has enabled me to seek the courage to love a child again. 

In the summertime, Parker and her Grandpa Dave (Shayla’s father) came for a visit. I decided to take them to places Shayla and I had spent time together, over the years). Our first stop was to Crescent Beach, near White Rock, BC, where they sat near the ocean and blew bubbles.  

Grandpa Dave and Parker- Crescent Beach

Later, I took them to see the snowberry bushes planted in memory of three loved ones lost in the year 2011-Shayla, Marilyn and Chad. The lush green foliage was bursting with pinkish flowers and white berries. The name of the genus is derived from the Greek words, meaning "to bear together." 

Snowberry Bush

Our next visit was to Redwood Park, in Langley, BC where I hoped to share “The Fairy Forest” with Parker. Unfortunately due to my directionally challenged nature, I went left instead of right and we ended up taking a long walk through the woods. Dragging a massive leaf, this little 4 ½ year old was about to give up on finding anything exciting to do, when we spotted the playground that sufficed her quest for adventure. 

 

Tonya and Parker at The "Upside Down Tree"

Over the past few weeks, I have been working on a special project for Kimberly’s daughter, Parker. It is my hopes that when she finally receives her gift, it will make up for me getting us ‘lost’ in the woods.

Family Memories

It has brought me such grace to know that I can have a relationship with her, in whatever form and that she has a vast imagination, much like her Aunty Shayla did. 

When Parker and her brother Mason were born, my daughter made sure she was a part of their lives. Many pictures were taken of Shayla with her niece and nephew...it is bittersweet to reflect back on the snapshots and imagine what an extraordinary mother she herself would have become. 

I never thought it would be possible to be around little babies or children again, yet I knew that if I did not participate in their lives, mine would be left emptier than it already is. To be able to share the love that Shayla would have imparted on them is to summon from my own grief, some form of healing. 

As I take a step outside my comfort zone, I chose to make new memories and be grateful for believing that love comes in all forms; in all possibilities…despite a world of loss. 

By T.L. Alton

Working Through My Grief- Dedication to Stenberg College

We never know the love of a parent till we become parents ourselves.

-- Henry Ward Beecher

I have found the joy in discovering the depths of the bond that remains between my daughter who has passed away and me, her mother. Though death took her away, it is her sphere of light that continues to resonate still in this world. 

Last week, I met with the President of Stenberg College, Mr. Jeremy Sabell and Mr. Les Merson, Director of Marketing & Public Relations. Both gentlemen had extended the kind offer to meet with them. I had been sent via email, photographs from Mr. Merson that were displays of compassion in Stenberg College taking part in The Heart Pebble Movement. This beautiful tribute to Shayla was something for me to treasure as she was honoured in a remarkable way. Two large river rocks had the words of the symposium I attended earlier this May-“Be the Change.” Similar wording is also on her granite marker at McKinley Reservoir. On the back of the river rocks is Shayla’s name and each of the stones has a butterfly. For those who have followed my posts, they will understand the significance, as my daughter ‘symbol’ in life was that of a butterfly. Just over eleven weeks after her passing, I sat on a beach in Maui to mark what would have been her 22nd birthday and looked up to the sky to see the spectacular image of a butterfly. 

Upon walking into the main entrance of Stenberg College, I was welcomed in by one of the large ‘pebbles’ which sits on display at the main desk. Shortly after, I was greeted by Mr. Sabell and Mr. Merson, who walked me into an office. Although I was aware of the time we would have, I also knew it would be impossible to convey what I felt was necessary in me sharing Shayla’s story. 

 

I was further taken aback by Mr. Merson’s generous off to gift me the other large pebble that sat on his office desk. This was seen as a relishing moment to seize the opportunity to be able to place it in a spot where I feel at peace in letting it go. 

In opening myself up to reliving the grief stricken moments that are part of my healing journey, I reached out to these men-father’s themselves- and exposed the pain I have been enduring. As difficult as it was for them to hear such terrible circumstances, it was not easy for me to give so much depth to my anguish. One moment I was speaking of the pebbles and the next of my shattered life, fractured by the death of my only child.

What transpired in the privacy of the room is where it will remain. Although I am open and honest in my postings, there are moments which summon our grief that need to be respected. The thing that matters the most is how I was able to work through my immeasurable loss by telling them who Shayla was in the world. In doing so, I don’t even know if they realized how deeply grateful I am for their time and caring. 

It took a great amount of strength to meet two individuals I had never met before and let my vulnerability show through. There is a quote which sums up exactly how I felt in speaking with both Mr. Sabell and Mr. Merson.

“It takes more than will power to stop thinking of someone you have loved and lost.” –Josephine Humphries

For me, I find grace in being able to speak of my daughter Shayla- the girl with the golden heart- and carry within me her light. 

Sharing Be The Change Pebble with Sarah

I would like to extend my thankfulness to the entire faculty of Stenberg College, who took part in making the decision to honour my daughter in such a profound way. 

I look forward to a future full of hope and possibilities, knowing my struggles are lifted by the memories I will always cherish of Shayla.

By T.L. Alton

Feeding the Souls in Need

In Canada, “No One Should Go Hungry”  ~ The Oasis Outreach Society

Last week I needed repairs on my vehicle and was walking around the area of Langley, BC. I had driven by a building which had a store called THE OASIS OUTREACH SOCIETY. I was curious as to what type of business it was, so I went inside to have a look. 

I was immediately greeted by a friendly lady, who smiled and welcomed me to the store. Glancing around at the items for sale, I soon realized the price point on everything was much lower than you would find in a regular grocery outlet. Products ranged from personal hygiene, condiments, baking supplies and bags of candies.

My interest was piqued enough to inquire about the business. A woman named Christine, kindly took the time to share with me about the society that is “dedicated to ending hunger for Canadians.”

With two low cost grocery outlets-one in Chilliwack opened on September 6, 2011 and the other in Langley on June 17, 2013- are stores for people whose income is also low. The Oasis Outreach issues a free client membership card to assist those in purchasing items at a reduced price. 

Provisions are made through Government and Church human resources by giving food vouchers to their grateful customers. Through the kindness of local businesses and the generosity of the communities of both Chilliwack and Langley, this much needed service is offering compassion on all levels. 

When speaking with Christine, she explained to me that while some people fight to stay home from work, she has Volunteers, yearning to serve at a business where ending hunger in Canada is their main goal. 

This Government Registered Charity is a place with a motto of “Shop with Dignity,” is something you do not find anywhere else. 

On a personal note, I myself know what it is like to stand in a Food bank line with my child. Years ago, I encountered hard times and had my pride taken away when I had to wait in a queue, to file along and receive whatever food was available. While I was ashamed to have found myself and my daughter in this position, in later years it would be another powerful bond connecting Shayla and me. In giving back to the communities who gave us assistance, both my daughter and I hosted several charity events which helped those in need. Shayla never forgot those who she once stood with at the Food bank. Her passion for giving back shined through in her pursuit of working with people who needed someone to care about them. 

Upon her passing at the age of twenty-one, I saw firsthand through the many Thank You cards left behind,  just how devoted my daughter was at being involved in her own community. 

I know in my heart, she had led me to The Oasis Outreach Society and compelled me to write about a store that is working together so others are not going without.

For further information, please click on the link> www.oasisoutreachsociety.org

 

By T.L. Alton

Pebble Revelations

Believe me, you will find more lessons in the woods than in books.
Trees and stones will teach you which you can never learn from the masters.

~ St.Bernard of Clairvaux

Amongst the vast amount of pebble release snapshots I have collected over time, there reside the stories. Tales of stones set into places of water, sometimes crammed into the greatest structures of our world or simply never to be released …as the person who has a pebble is the one who chooses its destiny. I am merely the vessel to relay the journey’s the pebbles may take. 

This blog is dedicated to many of those who have offered back to the earth, a stone or shell, in order to continue the ripple effect of Shayla’s legacy carrying on. From landmarks to pirate ships, an element of my daughter is given out to the world with such devotion, care and preparation it can only be described as heavenly. 

There have often been times, when I have received something, unexpected and with a great deal of compassion. From angels to butterfly patches and a leather heart with the words imprinted “Mine,” I have been most fortunate to have been gifted with such treasures.

Recently, I met with Markita Kaulius- President of Families For Justice. Each of us lost a daughter- in 2011, her beautiful Kassandra, was needlessly murdered by a belligerent drunk driver, whose weapon of choice was her vehicle. The person who killed her daughter believes after only serving less than a year in prison, that she deserves a second chance and should be let free. I shudder at the thought of this cold-hearted individual being released and allowed to drive again! The following can be found on the Facebook Memorial page for Kassandra.

Kassandra Kaulius, age 22, was tragically killed on Tuesday, May 3, 2011 while driving home from a softball game at Cloverdale Athletic Park Tuesday when her red BMW was struck by a drunk driver at the intersection of 152nd Street and 64th Avenue in Surrey, BC, who then fled the scene. This page is dedicated to Kassandra and her family. May she rest in peace and may her loved ones find comfort in the kind words of sympathy expressed on this page. God Bless.

As we sat and spoke of our girls, we exchanged photographs, and accounts of their short lives. Markita listened to me speak of my tragic loss of Shayla and then she gave me something to treasure. Inside a gift bag was a box with a beautiful ribbon tied around. I opened it up to discover two stones: one had the word “FAITH” and the other was “LOVE.” I was humbled by the inscribed pebbles and let Markita know that I was going to release one, after we had spoken of a place that holds a great deal of meaning to me. I then gave her a polished stone from Shayla’s collection. I have been fortunate to find more pebbles and take joy in handing them out to people who mean a lot and have been an inspiration to me. Markita is one of those women I have been honoured to meet. 

Faith and Love Pebbles from Markita

Back in July, Shayla’s best friend Chantel and her friend Beth took a trip to Mexico. They went on a Pirate ship cruise and were enjoying themselves. Afterwards, I received a photograph of the first ‘shell’ release that they did in her memory. I found the unique way of paying tribute to my daughter, very touching. It also is connected to a pebble I placed in a exceptional creation in London at Hays Galleria. The pirate ship I chose is inside the shopping area of boutiques that are near the Thames River.

Hays Galleria, UK -Pebble Release

Thames River, UK- Pebble Release

Camden Market, UK- Pebble Release

One of Shayla’s favourite movies was the series of fantasy adventures- Pirates of the Caribbean and while in Disneyworld, she delighted in the boat tour we took of ol’ Jack Sparrow.  It seems fitting of the releases which occurred, knowing how much of a buccaneer Shayla was in her quest to seek the freedom of those afflicted in society. 

Shell Release- Mexico

In late spring, I spent hours along with Paul at the National History Museum in London. One of our favourite exhibits was the Giant Sequoia in the Green Zone and the minerals room, connected to The Vault. 

The Vault

With endless rows of gemstones, pebbles and crystals to view, we spent hours in the room. I looked at countless formations of stones and was amused when I came across a chunk of gold, listed as its location: Fraser River- where I reside nearby. 

Once outside, we took a stroll through the nature area, where we found a pond in the Wildlife Garden to release one of Shayla’s pebbles. Surrounded by native plants, mingled with flora, I discovered a tree which had been cut long ago, had a cross carved into it. 

The serenity of the gardens, with rays of sunlight filtered through the trees, brought me peace as I reflected on my daughter’s life. 

National History Museum, UK-Pebble Release

Looking through all of the pictures of pebbles I have amassed over the time since the loss of Shayla, I have come to understand each release holds a different meaning. The discovery that some people still have not released the pebbles I gave them-makes me realize it takes courage- to hold on. Once I give them away or share The Heart Pebble Movement, it is up to the individual what they take from it. 

By T.L. Alton