Friday, January 16, 2015

Gobsmacked



We were two ships in the night
Passing by in the pale moonlight and capsized...
We were two ships in the night
Hellbent on trying to survive and capsized...

Video:  Capsized  http://youtu.be/DjYqdmtRSlI
By Alicia Moore and Dallas Green (You + Me)

I have been entertained lately by true stories of inspiration. Ordinary people -who find themselves in myriad circumstances- of unbelievable adversity. It is natural for me to be drawn to those whose limitations are exceeded and their imaginations stretched, in order to survive.

I wanted to put my mind at ease for a few hours; therefore I decided to go see the film, “WILD”- based on the memoir by Cheryl Strayed-Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail. Twenty minutes into the movie, I felt parts of my life story were being flashed on screen. In trying to shut my mind off from one element of my own journey, I was front row and centre in watching one of the characters, reach thru the screen and flick at my delicate heart. 



While I have no intention of providing spoilers or giving a full review, what I will say is that 1,100 miles can transfigure the route, your own internal clock is set to.

In the movie a snippet of a song is featured and brought me back to a time when Shayla and I belted out the lyrics from 4 Non Blondes “What’s Going On

… and I try, oh my god do I try
I try all the time, in this institution
And I pray, oh my god do I pray
I pray every single day...
For a revolution

Midway thru singing, we would glance at once another and burst into laughter, knowing we would not be getting booked for gigs anytime soon.
What was profound in “WILD” is the rawness of Cheryl exposing the untamed lifestyle she spiralled into. She was not fearful of disclosure- nor did she avert the disgrace or judgment that may ensue from those reading her novel or watching the film. For this mother of two, the term wild for her meant both internally and the trek she embarked on. 



As I sat only a few rows back, I thought nothing could startle me, yet scene after scene, done in a beautifully unrefined cinematic form had me gobsmacked! It made me wonder of my own life story and how it would probably have the audience praying for my soul or walking out in disgust. Yet, inside each of us is a darker layer than the caked masks we wear, in order to be accepted. 

Earlier in the week, I attended an event called The Flame, which was hosted by Deborah Williams, an Award winning actor and one of the creators of Mom's the Word.

The Flame is a storytelling series that features real people sharing their personal true stories in front of a live audience.  Since its inception in 2009, The Flame has flourished and grown into a wildly popular Vancouver and Victoria event that packs venues to the rafters. Storytellers included Comedian Wes Borg, Actor / Director Lina de Guevara, Beverly Duthie, Storyteller Faye Mogensen, Award-winning Author Monique Gray Smith, and Composer / Playwright Bruce Ruddell.


Every storyteller evoked a series of passionate tales, with the audience vying for more!
During intermission I introduced myself to the author of “Tilly-A Story of Hope and Resilience,” Monique Gray Smith. She has won the Burt Award for First Nations, Métis and Inuit Literature. The author, through her own business Little Drum Consulting is an accomplished consultant, writer and international speaker. 

 

What captivated me was her openness of sharing her healing journey for over twenty years and the declaration of her sobriety. I sat enthralled of her description of pebbles, stones and taking down a brick wall. Of all the speakers, Monique’s seemed to fill every corner of The Belfry Theatre

As I shared with the author about Shayla, we exchanged as mothers, tears for a life taken far too soon. Afterwards, Monique reached into her purse and mentioned she had been at a high school earlier, doing a reading from Tilly. Out came a copy with a few corners folded over and she gifted her copy of the book to me. I was deeply humbled as she wrote on the inside: “Many Blessings to You! May you experience your own strength and courage within these pages.” ~ Monique.
 
In my hands, I now held a book, which only a few hours earlier in the day had been read to eager minds.  When I sat to discover the stories within each chapter, I found amongst the pages, enigmatic characters that have you either rooting or admonishing them. That the ugly side of racism existed on the streets of Kelowna and the teaching of a medicine wheel had me re-connected to Kamloops. 

I have been invited by Monique to attend yoUnlimited which are conferences, events and workshops. It’s really thoughtfully created experiences where you can learn something new, connect with someone, or hear something that might change your life.

 
 There is a phenomenal bond between women where each of us contains packets of exceptional treasures from within. When brought together, the fusion of sisterhood and allegiance is unprecedented.  For me, the pathway of my quest-freedom from strife- has been paved with the sodality of my friends. 


As I write this, the disconcerting images in the film “WILD” have settled within the roots of my own spirit... with something I need to entwine myself around. 



I think if the tendrils of support could have reached Cheryl Strayed, she may have benefited from them earlier in dealing with her own loss. Yet this would have erased the thousands of footsteps she needed to take, in order to release her wild out into the world. In the midst of this woman’s chaos, it was all about realigning her journey- to discover the hidden gifts within her own strength of mind. 

On a personal level, this once caged bird, who spent years nursing broken wings, has found herself taking flight…in hopes for more solitude to overcome the fear itself of Letting Go

By T.L. Alton

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

Touching the Past-Welcoming the Future

Beautiful lunch and gift at Sheril and Jay's home
On New Year’s Eve- during the day- I was invited over to the home of my friends, Sheril and Jay, for lunch. Amongst the delicious plate of food served to me, I found us engaging in meaningful conversation. Sheril conveyed how much she was looking forward to taking me to a revered stretch of beach, in a place called Witty’s Lagoon Regional Park


In the past year and a half of being by myself, I continued to seek my own adventures and travel around. In doing so, my feet have touched the grains of sand warmed by the flares of sunlight, welcoming a Maui aubade. I have caressed the glistening formations of smooth pebbles along the continual loop of beaches and highway- beckoning me onward, to a grove of Sitka spruce trees. My lips have been enticed with flavoursome delicacies such as a Pork Lau Lau plate lunch, shaved coconut and MAUNA LOA milk chocolate macadamia nuts. While last summer, I took pleasure in filling my Farmer’s Market basket with plump, juicy local berries, freshly pulled carrots and curled Alliums.

Going on the venture with Sheril, helped to grasp the words of someone who opened my eyes to the reality of my freedom. They recently expressed to me the life experiences I took part in… never would have occurred if my world was still attached to another. 

From the moment I sat in Sheril’s vehicle, I knew it would carry my heart out to the open sea, our destination of solitude. The scenic drive permitted us to chat, while my friend pointed out areas of interest and the sprawling farmland, which beckoned us onward.
Once we were parked, Sheril continued to describe the area in great detail and I could feel her passion for the splendour of Witty’s Lagoon

Sauntering along, in the midst of the dicey mud path, I was reminded of my need for rubber boots. Nearing the ocean, I inhaled the brackish bouquet of marine life. Welcoming me amongst the murmurs of the various tree lines, were ducks, seagulls, and a playful seal. 

As I stood on the uneven, moss covered, formations of layered rock- it was as if Mother Nature was holding me up- with scenery dipped in her beauty. 

We decided to stroll amongst the paths encompassed by Douglas fir, Arbutus, and Broadleaf Maple referred to as Paddle-Tree. Not long after, our footsteps took us to a different aperture, overlooking the rippling, frigid waters. 

On top of the earth, attached to a wooden stump, was an intricate display of an exceptionally unique Christmas tree- inspired by nature. Tendrils of red ribbon attached to sea glass and pieces of cord tied to shells, all fastened to sections of driftwood resonating the beauty of the season. On top was a woven star made from branches, spouting greenery and a small, white, Sea star. 

Sheril standing next to the creative Christmas tree on display
One can only imagine how many brilliant photo opportunities the Christmas tree has offered to people who have discovered its simple allurement. 

Returning back to our first stop, Sheril let the glorious unfolding portrait of life settle within me. Taking a seat on a bench, overlooking Witty’s Lagoon Regional Park, my friend watched as I let everything in my presence settle within.

Shortly after, we both were ready to take part in the meaningful cause, connected to Shayla. I had brought with me a precious stone for release. 



My friend had in her hand a piece of crystal with glints of sparkle. We both welcomed the opportunity to do one last release of the year. 



What was said is always something I like to keep private, unless I choose to openly share. 



Before I went to toss my polished stone that I believe to be Tree Agate, I noticed a crane. This made me pause as there is a strong connection between me and the illimitable Blue Herons, which I have encountered many times. The symbolism of the bird on a Crane Totem signifies loyalty, intellect and long life, where they are highly respected. Their graceful expression in full flight is a revelation of an individual’s own life, echoing the past is behind while focusing on the future. The bird’s devotion to its companion is unyielding as it mates for life. Years ago, Shayla and I had our poetry in print together. On the cover is the image of a crane under the title, “Solitude.” Seeing this eye-catching vision of a crane, whose silhouette was mirrored in the ocean, is an indication of the year ahead; one that will be ‘whole-again,’ no longer defined by the incredulous. 



After lofting our offerings, the smiles we displayed were indicative of the glorious moments we shared at Witty’s Lagoon. On our drive back to her home, Sheril took me through the charming area of Metchosin; a coastal community of over 5,000 people. Nestled within the district is Metchosin Farmers Market. According to Sheril, it is a place I need to frequent this year, as the abundance of natural organic, quality food, draws people from all over. 

Before we parted, I thanked my dear friend for revealing to me, the magnificence of an area I had yet to discover. Driving away, I thought about the insightfulness I received when I fixed my eyes on the refinement of the crane. How- much like this elegant bird- the only sprint I am allowing my feet to do is to run, arms wide open, into my future.

Something from the past, Welcoming my future
By T.L. Alton

Saturday, January 3, 2015

A Symmetrical Season






In composing my first blog of 2015, I need to express my gratitude to those who brought me the essentials of Christmas- Peace, Hope and Love. This holiday season, was unequal to any of those I pushed through, since the loss of my daughter. Even though it was my second year of being alone during the festivities- I felt the compassion of many- who reminded me the real gifts of the heart comes in many forms. 

Right before Christmas, I underwent Surgery that had difficulties afterwards in recovery. Once at home, the steady stream of people who brought me the comforts of homemade food, presents, cards and most valuable- their time, is something I cherished! Having an operation is daunting enough, let alone returning to an empty place. Yet, I was blessed with certain individuals who dropped in for a visit to offer me their support. I would like to express my deepest gratitude to Sheril, Elaine, Kelly and Yvonne for being there for me when I was enduring such pain. These women were the most devoted care givers and each of them saw me through challenging times. 

I was also gratified with an array of food that packed my cupboards and fridge. The meals dropped off were greatly appreciated; especially at a time when I could not cook for myself.  My thankfulness is extended to Penny and Brent, Yvonne and Henry, Sheril and Jay, Ron and Gail, Ashley and April, David and Audrey, Elaine and Stef for nourishing me and uplifting my spirit!



An unexpected blessing came in the form of presents given to me stemming from the love and kindness of others. One friend gave a book, another lady provided me with a Christmas flower. I received a beautiful Angel figurine from Yvonne and Henry. 























A lovely ‘rainbow’ handmade scarf, the Cloninger family created together.

I formed the scarf into a Heart, before I wore it

Kelly and Dave’s young son Zachary, gave me a beautiful arrangement he had won at his Awana Club.   


Two brilliant creations of trees came from Sarah Kube and will remain on display throughout the years to come. 


The generosity was in abundance when I received a gift from my kind-hearted landlords! 




An envelope came in the mail from my high school friend Michelle Wells. It contained a touching Christmas card with a $50 Visa that has seen me buy a stunning Butterfly ring. 


I was thrilled to receive from my friend Sheril, a bath/shower set, now that I am feeling much better; it is wonderful to have my own ‘independence’ again in taking care of myself.



With every gift, I was reminded to convey my Thanks for every moment present!

 My home, once empty of the Christmas spirit, saw every corner of it brimming with such thoughtfulness. Cards filled with sentiment, prayers and well-wishes line my cupboards; reminders of God’s love bestowed upon me through others. The steady stream of phone calls full of Season Greetings were conversations that encouraged me to get well soon; people reaching out in friendship and fellowship.

One thing I have had much of, while healing, is time…opportunities to look back and reflect on where I am at, one year later. I have endured turbulent upheavals where mourning seemed to reign over me… while on many occasions, my face towards the sun…the brokenness was penetrated by the radiance of my Faith.

 I have been heavy laden- anchored beneath to the ocean floor, after my ship capsized. I watched unfold before me the delicate wisps of Forgiveness in the petals of an Gerbera Daisy…Shayla’s  personal favourite flower. This uncertain pathway has made me realize that my absolution needs to be directed inward-that having to let go is the toughest work I will encounter! To unwrap myself from the ghost of a lost loved one requires bravery. Yet it allows me to become who the Lord intended-free of the painful burdens placed upon me by a man, who shattered all my trust. 

I understand the importance of Forgiving when hurt by others, but never Forgetting the life lessons it taught you.

In taking a stand, I am also taking care of my heart. Seeing how courageous I have been through all of the hurt, brings a great sense of pride, in how far I have come. Leaving behind what appeared  to be a fantasy realm of its own, I hold near to me the changes encountered. 
Putting on my Armor of God has seen me charge into battles and emerge... singing the praises of Hallelujah! I am ready to seek the purity of love again while embracing my new beginnings.
 
Never could I have imagined the beauty coming back in my world; a painter’s light on a canvas unveiling to me that “It Is getting Better!” 

Happy New Year!
  
By T.L. Alton