Embracing Gifts from the Heart

Your hugs and kisses are like the stars that light up my life when things get dark.  ~Author Unknown

There is a store in White Rock, BC that Shayla and I loved to go into. Every time we stepped through the doors of Whitby’s Books & Gifts, it was an adventure to discover new crystals, stones, look at medicine bags and pick out incense.

Recalling the joyful strolls along the seaside, I can close my eyes and imagine my daughter’s arms reaching upwards to the lavender hues of an ocean sunset. Now I understand… it was the calm before the storm.

After Shayla passed away, I was drawn to the store for a variety of reasons. As I walked around the many displays of unique gifts, the urge to show my daughter something novel I had found, stopped me in an instant. It felt like grief had found a new source of delivering sadness to my heart.

Upon one of my visits, I decided to try and shake the anguish I was feeling, by dropping by Whitby’s Books & Gifts. After looking at a variety of precious stones, my attention was drawn to a small, white clay figurine. I read the information card and was delighted to known what I held in my hand was a hugzz. These imaginative tokens of affection are the compassionate design of Geo Morrow and Joan Bahner. Their story of hugzz evolved and can be found on the hugzz website:

http://www.hugzz.com/about/

After I finished reading why give a hug? , our values, gift ideas and hugzz stories on the site, I decided to contact hugzz. After sharing about how my life had been shattered by the loss of my only child and several messages exchanged, I received a box in the mail. Opening it up, I was overwhelmed to find two small huggz, carefully wrapped and sent to me as a gift from the co-founders of hugzz. That was last year…

In the midst of moving, I packed them away safely. Recently, I found these spectacular hugzz and decided it was long overdue to pour the love for my babygirl, into each one. While most people I would think give away their hugzz, mine I feel are meant for me, from Shayla.

Since the day she learned to wrap her arms around you, my daughter was a hugger. She believed that all crises in life and the world’s problems could be solved with a warm, cuddly embrace. The strands of her hair would brush past my face as she crept from behind and with the vigour of all that was inside her golden heart; flowed outward in the hugs she gave.

As I write this, I would give anything for my child’s arms to wrap around me-yet my aching soul reminds of the tragedy- in which she was taken from me. It is because of the void I feel that I have completed the two hugzz –an extension of Shayla’s heavenly love that she now showers upon me.

The first is a clay figurine wrapping its self around the knees; essentially hugging its very being. I decided to embody the small sculpture with the same vibrancy that my angel personified here on earth. The kaleidoscope robe represents Shayla’s acceptance of everyone and also her arrival to heavens. Each colour of the rainbow is a display of the acceptance she gave to those in need. I painted the hair a shimmering gold, which echoes her golden heart. The butterfly is the release of Shayla from the frozen waters of McKinley Reservoir and was my daughter’s symbol; encompassing her transition from this world onto another. There are several dazzling tears, not of sadness, but of joy for the twenty -one blessed years I was able to have Shayla in my life.  A piece of Fool’s Gold resting on her knees, signifies the illusion when we are alive, of the things we see as superior and the false idealism of their high importance. After Shayla’s passing, pieces of paper with her drawings on it are worth more to me than superficial possessions. 

The other hugzz - two of them embracing- was dipped in red sparkles; a favourite colour of my daughter’s. The meaning of red represents having courage and offers protection from fear, something which I feel expresses the boldness of Shayla.  The hugzz is of mother and daughter embracing once again, after being reunited in Heaven. I chose to have the figurines, enveloped in the radiance of a multitude of butterflies. The wings symbolize the change we evolve into, through unfolding glory. It is interesting to note when people have near death experiences, the one constant recollection is that they were surrounded by butterflies. The shade of pink on the heads of the hugzz implies the unconditional love and nurturing that bonded Shayla and I together. 

To keep my hugzz in a place where I can take them out regularly, is a special ceramic Disney gift, I bought for myself after my babygirl passed away. After my purchase, I brought it home and gently unwrapped the memento box. I soon noticed the block letters… a letter S on the front and on the back an A.

For many years, Shayla had taken up the last name of her step brother and step sister- Alton, instead of Driver. Though she never legally changed her name, she was proud to bare the namesake of her family. Years later, when in high school, Shayla was devastated when she had to return to her birth name, Driver. Seeing this box with Tink from Disney on it, made me realize my purchase was worth it.

In August 2011, when Shayla and I went to Disneyworld, the ultimate highlight of the trip for her was seeing Tink fly over The Magic Kingdom! With the castle lit up by fireworks, I could see my daughter’s tears of joy fall upon her face. In that very movement, I didn’t observe a 21 year old…but my little girl, hair in braids and such innocence in her care- free spirit.

In my heart, I knew my hugzz would find the perfect shelter in the ceramic box that has Tink, smiling. The name for the lidded box is – A Big Laugh 

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 Sometimes, in the smallest things, emerges the considerable joy found in a beautiful hugzz.

By T.L. Alton