On the 1st Day of Christmas~ Commemoration

“Not one person on earth is immune to crime and trauma.”

― Shahla Khan

While most people’s thoughts of the holidays are filled with family traditions, much-loved holiday dishes and wishes for Santa, there are those who Christmas’s are touched by the bereavement of a loved one passed on. 

Then there are the groupings of people who have their festivities tainted by violence…the ones whose lives have been impacted by the unthinkable; someone they love was murdered in an act of violence. As I write this, on average, every six days a woman in Canada is killed by her intimate partner. Over 80% of sex crime victims are women, while according to the RCMP, 800 to 1200 people are trafficked in and through Canada every year.

As I am the Survivor of abuse- in many horrific forms- I raised my own daughter to be aware of the dangers presented in our society. Try as I might, nothing could protect Shayla herself from becoming a victim of violence. Yet, both of us as mother and daughter refused to be labelled solely as a victim and took action.  

For almost a decade, we participated in December 6^th, Canada’s National Day of Remembrance and Action on Violence Against Women and Children. 

The foundation of this day came at the end of fourteen women’s lives in 1989, known as the Montreal Massacre at École Polytechnique in Montreal, Quebec. 

Today on the 25^th Anniversary, people gathered to pay respects to the woman who were pursuing their dreams. Their lives were shattered by an armed madman with a hatred towards females he deemed ‘feminists’ and claimed they were responsible for ruining his life. Others were wounded and there were survivors- yet their lives would be altered forever by the tragedy of that day. 

In the past week, I have gathered donations of journals, toiletries, socks, mitts etc that was donated to the event I attended. Tucked amongst the items was a new purple, velvet Christmas stocking that has stitched into it, “Princess.” 

 Every year, I would buy Shayla a new, unique stocking. The reason I donated it was because my 21 year old daughter never had the chance to see it. Her own life would tragically be taken in a car accident on December 12^th 2011. 

This picture was made into a button which I wore at the events I attended

On the eve of December 6th, at Holland Point Park, I gave my donations that will be distributed to a variety of Victoria and Duncan women’s organizations. Since I had arrived early, I decided to take a stroll around the ocean, which I was in need of visiting. As I stepped through the woods, I could not have imagined the beauty that awaited me. 

 The weather had called for rain and I packed my umbrella in case I needed it. I was delighted to see the sun setting beyond the horizon and gazed out in awe of the brilliance I was surrounded by. Looking down at the pin of Shayla I was wearing on my jacket, I smiled…knowing that I have survived through unspeakable things, which my daughter is so proud of me! 

I pulled out of my pocket an offering…a heart pebble engraved with the word ‘PEACE.’ This special pebble was for those fourteen souls whose lives were violently taken. 

With a few more steps towards the seaside, I released it to the waters below. Standing in solitude, I watched the ripples it made outwards. Much like the waves made from the legacies of the fourteen women, I honoured them with my own minute of silence as my heart broke for their families. 

Returning back to the gathering of people, I listened to an array of speakers, who conveyed the importance of ending all violence against women. 

A profound moment happened when the brother of one of the victims of the Montreal Massacre came to the podium and poured his heart out to those in attendance.  His beloved sister, Maud Haviernick, was a materials engineering student and amongst the women killed on December 6, 1989. He offered us a glimpse into who Maud was and aspired to be. He thanked everyone for coming. Then, along with Virginia Vaillancourt, Regional Women's Coordinator, PSAC B.C, he extended his sincerest gratitude for the monument which was revealed to the crowd. The importance of this permanent memorial came after much perseverance from Virginia, whose dedication and efforts have bestowed Victoria, with a place to come, reflect and never forget. 

Sarah McLachlan’s haunting ballads, “I Will Remember You” and  “Angel” played in the background. People’s names were called to place a candle light lotus into a small pool of water. I placed one in my name and then another in Shayla’s name. 

Later, I brought more donations to Victoria Cool Aid Society. My journey to meet Sasha at the organizations table saw me go on a small adventure. As I had parked far away, I was carrying with me my bag of donations and could not find where they were located. I spotted a taxi and explained to the man driving, “Jerry” that I needed to drop off my donations. I told him where I thought I was supposed to go. He kindly offered a ride and we took off to Ogden Point, quite a distance from where I got in. He waited while I ran up to another non-profit organization table, who promptly said I was in the wrong area and that I needed to go back to my original location. When I got back in, I was worried about the fare, but carried on back to the Inner harbour. When we arrived, he smiled and wished me well…saying there was no charge because of what I was doing! I wished him a Merry Christmas! 

Finally, I managed to find Victoria Cool Aid Society. Sacha listened intently to my story, where I had been earlier at Holland Park and also about my daughter’s legacy. There are times when you meet someone and it is as if you knew each other in another life. Sacha has a warmth about her, an enchanting smile and a kind heart. I know this because I can tell when people truly care about who Shayla was when I explain my loss. We hugged and I gave her a Christmas card with a heart ornament and the link to The Heart Pebble Movement. I left with much valued information on the foundation whose motto is “Building Homes, Lives and Community.” 

 

Sacha and I

Amongst the throngs of people, I encountered a mother and daughter, who were out to enjoy the Lighted Truck Parade. The universe seemed to bring us together and soon I was sharing about my own bond with Shayla. I looked to see the tears swelling and gave the daughter, whose name I recall being "Kat," a gentle hug and wished them both the best of the upcoming holiday season.

On the first day of my Christmas, I received the gift of Remembrance. The invaluable present given to me is the fragility of life and the need to place others before myself. 

Walking back to my vehicle, Shayla was ever present on my thoughts. Suddenly, I heard a familiar song that stopped me in my tracks. Years ago, while still a high school student, Shayla created a video. It was dedicated to someone she attended school with, who had been shot and killed. The touching collaboration she made was to the lyrics by P. Diddy’s mix of “I’ll Be Missing You.”  It seemed appropriate given the nature of how I had spent my day that this would be the song blasting down the road. I decided to see where it was coming from; expecting to see a pimped out Cadillac and a group of young men, blinged out. To my sheer amusement, there in a Volkswagen convertible, was a gray haired elder man, rocking it out as he drove down the main street. It was the perfect ending to a day filled with emotion. 

I anticipate more unexpected moments of glee, surprises and enlightenment as I continue with the next 11 days of pursuits in no particular order. With me, every step of the way… is my own angel, watching over the woman she called, her Momma.

By T.L. Alton 

*Please note, if any names are misspelled, contact me and I will correct them.