On the Fifth Day of Christmas ~ Tenacity

 

Hand-picked stone I found on a local beach and wrote my Faith on

 There is nothing that prepares you as a mother, for the day signifying that your daughter’s life was taken from you. 

Three years ago, I was in my home, anticipating Shayla’s arrival in a week. She had travelled to McKinley Landing to see family. The day begun as any other, with a series of text messages back and forth between my daughter and I. Both of us were anticipating a Christmas to remember in Victoria. Our 12 days were set and we were counting our blessings of having some mother and daughter time, together. 

When we finally said our ‘good-byes’, Shayla ended it by telling me how much she loved me and that her and I, could go on talking Forever. This would be a sign of what was to come, since her passing. 

The last time I held her and gave her kisses good-bye, she was not pleased that I was doing so in a bus depot filled with people. It was August 2011 and we had just returned from Florida, after experiencing a dream trip of a lifetime to Shayla’s revered place…Disneyworld. 

“Don’t you dare start crying!” she warned me, shaking her finger. Not because she was embarrassed…but she knew she would start bursting into tears and having to board a bus full of strangers with mascara running down her face, was not cool either. 

If I had known it would be the very last time I would hold my child in my arms, I would have risked the scolding, I would have welcomed her tears and I would have found some way to Never let her get on that bus! 

Months later on December 12^th, I was carrying on in my home, preparing for the holidays. Suddenly, I was overwhelmed with an intense sensation of dread. Something told me to go to my computer and click on Kelowna’s home page. When I did, my stomach hit the floor…there was a news announcement that a vehicle had gone off the road, over a 35 foot embankment and plunged through the frozen waters of McKinley Reservoir. My knees started to shake and I felt as if I was going to be sick. I called my former husband (Shayla’s father) where she had been staying at his home. 

I cleared my throat and asked, “Where is Shayla?” 

He remarked…”She just left the house and was heading into Kelowna.” 

It was at that instance… death had brought its mark to my shattered heart. I Knew it was our precious daughter that was submerged in her vehicle, upside down. 

This is where the nightmares of that horrific day start to unravel and in its place a renewal of Shayla’s life begins. The clutches of grief although cruel and bittersweet, also instill in us that a human being existed in my life for 21 plus years. I say this as I have come to realize how in the constant resurgence of the young girl I loved; she has evolved -into spiritual forms of things I see- in everyday life. 

Last night, I attended at SANDS Funeral Chapel in Colwood, a Candlelight Service of Memories. While most people had others with them for support, I was all alone…or so I thought. From the moment I was greeted by the Manager and Funeral Director, Julie Evans, I was embraced with sincerity and warmth. Her adorable little girl was dressed in a swirl of Christmas colour. She gazed at the pin I was wearing of Shayla and offered up to everyone her beautiful smiles.

When I was waiting for everything to begin, I noticed in the corner of the room, the familiar melody of Celtic music. Patrick and Patricia De Gabrielle are a duo called, “Celtic Reflections.”  They filled every corner of the room with the graceful reflections of a harp and a guitar. The music offered a softened meaning of why we had all gathered. 

Speaking to us, was Stephen Swift, whose compassion was well-received by everyone in attendance. Mr. Swift offers his services at life celebrations, Memorials and funerals, but what I was intrigued by was his message of our loved one’s giving us signs.  It was soon revealed to me what he was sharing with us. He read a story from Chicken Soup for the Soul - Christmas in Canada edition.  It was aptly titled “The Christmas Card.” 

Years earlier, I had presented to Shayla a copy of Chicken Soup of the Soul that I was published in. 

Later, Sheril Hart, who is a jazz singer, performed a lovely rendition of Amy Grant’s, “Raining on the Inside.” She had sung the song at the funeral of her twenty-three year old sister.

On my way to the service, I grabbed one of my favourite holiday music CD’s and listened to it until I parked. It was also Amy Grant…

When it came time to light a candle for our loved one, we were encouraged to speak briefly about who they were, their names and relation to us. Seeing my daughter’s name on a memorial candle is something I will never fully get used to. Yet these glowing tributes embodied the love we all felt for those who had passed away. I was moved to tears when one lady spoke of her loss, then gently kissed the outside of her candle.

After, Stephen Swift read from an Emily Dickinson passage that stated: “For every joy that passes, something beautiful remains.” 

The conclusion of the service was full of symbolism. Five candles were lit on what is the fifth day of my posting this.  The first candle represented our Grief. The second was for our Courage. The third for our Memories. Next, was for our Love and the last candle lit, was for Hope.  For me, rites of passage have served a great deal of comfort and assurance. I felt deeply honoured by those who had opened their doors, welcomed us in and respected our individual grief journeys. 

Soon after, we were invited to share in the many delicious foods on display and a variety of treats.  I spent most of my time sharing about the unbreakable bond that Shayla and I still have. Amongst those I spoke with, Sheril and her husband Jay, connected with me. I was humbled by Sheril’s offer of Christmas dinner, if I had nowhere to go. I thanked her kindly and explained I have upcoming surgery and no idea of the outcome. 

Before leaving, I had the chance to speak to Stephen, Patricia and Patrick, to thank them for being part of such a memorable evening. 

I ended the night by talking with Julie, who has a gentle presence to her. She explained to me, about the woman who would benefit from the packages, under the Christmas tree in the foyer. As I was leaving, Julie packed up a few of the treats for me, gave a tender hug and said Merry Christmas!

On my way home it occurred to me that there is a phenomenal ‘Bridge of Light” that I still share with my sweet angel. It affects my everyday life in magnificent ways of love from the heavens. 

Brilliant 'Tree of Life' that arrived today as a gift from my dear friend, Sarah Kube

Even with this post, I had the song and video I wanted to put on my blog for many months now. However, it was Shayla who made the final decision when I was scrap booking a page dedicated to her. 

The following came on: Carrie Underwood’s new single- “Something in the Water.” http://youtu.be/mH9kYn4L8TI

My daughter loved her music and testament to Faith.  While I set out to honour her with a song, my babygirl has dedicated this to me…for my Tenacity. 

On December 12, 2011 my ‘physical daughter’ died, but three years later… my “Spiritual daughter” lives on….

By T.L. Alton