A (Un) Celebration

At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us. ~Albert Schweitzer

http://youtu.be/2tMKO_9SD1Y

 

The twists and circle of life, which have occupied my world in such an unusual manner, make noticing the unexpected much easier than realism. Shayla’s untimely, tragic death held no immunity. Since her passing, I have come to believe even more in heaven than prior to. They say there is two roads one travels down when faced with an abrupt death; either you cling tighter to the God you hold near or you look to blame his very existence.  I chose to respect things I hold in high regard: Faith, Destiny and the light within my daughter that I know exists. Walking along a trail riddled in pretense, every time the light was threatened to be sealed, it found its way out and broke free of the dark shadows. In fact, I have known more of odium than of worship and yet an unforeseen energy propels me forward, no matter what battles I have faced.

This year’s birthday that came to pass last week was no exception. I awoke, with the intention of hiding in my home, with plans that my ears would be entertained by the lyrics of misery and loss. What made their acquaintance known though were filaments of sunshine, peeking through the blinds. I was struck by the knowledge it was a winter’s day in the middle of January, and this was occurring. Stretching, I looked at the clock that I had hit the snooze button, repeatedly. It was late in the morning and all I wanted to do was tuck my pajamas back under my duvet. I fumbled with the coffee machine, allowing my nostrils to slowly inhale the aromas of Columbia. Suddenly, I heard the sound of our mail being delivered. Instinctively, I reached for my usual correspondence of junk letters, when I spotted an envelope from Thompson Rivers University- where Shayla had attended. My heart sank looking at the size of the envelope. It appeared to me that it was the University returning Shayla’s death certificate. They had requested a copy to deal with her student loans and now here I was the day of my birthday and THIS is what I was to receive? I angrily tossed it on the counter, insulted at its belligerent timing! I grabbed my coffee cup- a Disney mug that I had once bought my daughter and now being used in a regrettable way.

 Starting my computer, I was looking for a tune that fit my surly mood. Yet, I could not help but stare at the envelope with my name on it. My attention was led away, once again when my account for my music came up. I receive daily recommendations of music, based on my likes and favourite genres. For this particular day, the song was “Feel Again” by One Republic- a band Shayla was fond of and even had one particular melody that she had called her own.  Upon clicking on the video, I sat and watched in amazement the radiance of the lyrics, the kaleidoscope of light used and the golden sphere at the beginning which beckoned me to come along for a visual ride. By the end, I knew my recommendation was heavenly sent.  This placed me in a mood where the sun’s rays that had been cast earlier in my bedroom, were to be found in every corner of my home.  This is all it took to break the mold of despair and realize that had I not been brought into this world- years ago, then my own beam of light would not have graced this earth. 

I sprinted over to the envelope and ripped it open. I was capitulated into joy at an instant when I saw a beautiful photograph card. It was of the day when The Shayla Rae Dawn Driver Memorial Bursary, had been awarded to a dear friend of Shayla’s.  It was a snapshot of all three of us: me, Annie and Dave. Our smiles filled up the space as the love of our sweet angel was evident. Pausing for a moment, I reflected on how I thought I would never receive a birthday card from my babygirl and yet in my hand was something that felt it was from her.

As I went about getting ready for the day, the image looking back at me in my mirror, did not make me cry…instead I was greeted by a mother intent on keeping a promise to her daughter; to always try and find something to make me smile. My reflection was one in which I had seen many times before, but now it was full of a vibrant cotton candy hue, once again. Since Shayla’s passing, I have –every month- dyed one large strip of my hair pink as a tribute to her vivacious personality. What made today even more brilliant was the fact that I was renewing my license. I encountered the usual questions about my hair and gave the same answer, every time…

“I did it for my daughter, Shayla Driver, who died in a car accident”. 

It is a badge of honour to be able to stand up and say her name. To show the world that she is not gone and forgotten; instead her magnificence is captured in the wings of a butterfly and her memory is forever contained on a granite stone. 

What made my birthday-the second one since Shayla died- incomparable to the last… is that out of the ordinary parts of life, I found something exceptional… to allow both of us to be remembered.

By T L. Alton