The Pebbles that Bind

Everyone must leave something behind when they die... A person or a book or a painting or a pair of shoes; even a garden planted. Something your hand touched in some way so your soul has imprinted on it... as long as you change something from the way it was before you touched it, into something that's like you after you take your hands away…then after you die, people look at that tree you’ve planted, that book you read or something you have sewn and you're there.  ~ Ray Bradbury

 

Last summer, I hosted a fundraiser in memory of my daughter called, “ShaeHarmony.” This event took months of planning; organizing between my home at the coast and Kamloops, where Shayla had lived. I made several trips in order to garner sponsorship and donated items. Looking back, what my purpose was in holding this function and the end result is clear to me now. I gained far more support in certain people I met, than some of those I had counted on.

Rather than share entirely about the day itself, I want to reflect on things connected to Shayla that brought such joy into my life. While there were many people who supported and encouraged ShaeHarmony, it was beyond that day which made all the difference.

In anticipation of conveying Shayla’s care-free spirit, I sought out the assistance of local youth who were passionate about the message of peace, love and hope. I briefly met with them and shared some of my daughter’s story; putting into words Shayla’s vision of helping others. I mentioned her passion for pebbles, rainbows and butterflies. I left with this bright young bunch of kids, a blank canvas and said I would be back in a few days to pick it up. While I could see their eagerness, I was not expecting to receive a phone call only a day later, to say the mural was already done! I had a friend of Shayla’s pick it up and when I first saw the finished project, I was overwhelmed. The artistic design each of them had contributed was brilliant! From a vibrant peace symbol, to hand-prints, a pathway of pebbles and deco glass, interwoven together, I was impressed by all of their efforts! There were words of inspiration including: Be Free and Everyone Is Unique. The youth had essentially captured the essence of Shayla in this radiant mural! It brought me much joy in knowing that after the event, it has found a home at the local Canadian Mental Health Association Clubhouse in Kamloops. My daughter’s link to this organization went as far back to when she was growing up and my involvement with CMHA. 

While preparing the displays for ShaeHarmony, I was looking for items that transmitted the light of my babygirl. Before Shayla graduated from High School, she informed me her intentions of getting a tattoo, in memory of a dear friend, who had passed away suddenly. At first, I was not keen on this idea and even tried to talk her out if it. However, I soon found myself holding her hand and offering reassurance, as her ankle was tattooed with a red and black nautical star. The significance of this was that her friend had the same tattoo. Shayla then added the word HOPE underneath it. One day, while I was shopping in Superstore in Langley, I spotted a large star that was plain burgundy. I spoke with the Manager and after sharing with him what it was for, he kindly donated it. I took it home and spent hours, repainting it red and black, and then adding the word Hope on one side. On the day of my event, it was proudly displayed, front and centre. Now, it resides on the wall of our guest room. 

Another highlight was a table set up with plain river rock pebbles. At the foot of the table were three glass vases with coloured water. Those who wanted to could come and write something on a pebble and place it into the water. These were gathered afterwards and I took them home. Over time, I have kept my promise to release each of them into a stream, river or ocean. This photograph, taken after ShaeHarmony, is my profile picture for my blog and a reflection of what The Heart Pebble Movement means to me. 

At the end of a long, emotionally charged day, I gathered people together to help release 21 Painted Lady Butterflies. They came from a company in Langley- Flutterbuys- who were kind enough to assist in providing and supporting this special day for my daughter. In the background, on a CD- Mariah Carey`s voice sang to the melody of `Butterfly. ` This symbolic gesture would see the cycle of life continue… in these fluttering creatures who set out to reproduce, transform and change themselves into visions of nature`s beauty. 

One of the lasting legacies that occurred after ShaeHarmony, came in November-when by invitation- Shayla`s father, Dave and I were at the campus grounds of Thompson Rivers University. It was during the day and we were looking around for a framed photograph of Shayla, we were told graced The Gathering Place. While no picture was found at this building, we decided to go to the recreation and social facility- Central Rez. This is where Shayla would go hang out; especially when she lived on campus for her first year. We were greeted by Tammy Desrochers of On Campus Housing. We explained who we were and inquired whether a photo of our daughter was anywhere? She was taken aback by the news of Shayla`s passing and offered to place a picture up, if I sent her one. As soon as I could, I emailed her one of my favourite snapshots of our angel, her hands in the shape of a heart; smiles and all…it was the one we knew Shayla would want to have hung up in her memory. Shortly after sending it, I was blessed with a lovely display that honours my daughter at the University she spent three years, studying. Tammy had taken the time to put her heart into a beautiful tribute to Shayla. Her choice to use willow branches is poignant. Shayla’s picture is graced by three containers of them -“Willow's weeping stance reflects its association with grief. The willow will allow the person to move through many levels of sadness, express the pain though tears and grief, and, by moving through these emotions, facilitate healing.” 

We are deeply grateful for Tammy to consider our loss and honour a young woman, whose many legacies are felt, seen and touched by the hearts of those who knew Shayla.

This spring, as I wander the forest where once Shayla and I held hands, chanted silly mantra`s and our laughter echoed in the woods, I will be open to all that surrounds me. I hope to see the vivid display of scenery, much like the painted mural. Under the veil of darkness, I will seek the brilliance of the stars, a reminder of my babygirl`s tattoo of Hope. As my hands dip into a stream, I will look for the glints of a unique pebble. Maybe if the countryside shares with me; I will even be graced by the company of a Painted Lady Butterfly, perched on top of a willow tree.

By T L. Alton