The Legacy of My Rae-bow Child

She who leaves a trail of Glitter is never forgotten…

Much like the glimmers from the hues of a rainbow, my daughter Shayla Rae Dawn Driver existed in this world. Her gift to connect with others, seeing past their brokenness, unfolded in all she did. From assisting the homeless and volunteering for many non-profit organizations, she wore her colours of vibrancy with pride.

An annual event at the University campus she attended saw her sleep out on the cold concrete, in support of those in need. Shivering in her sleeping bag, with a thermos of coffee and a granola bar, my daughter later confided in me that it was important for her to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes.

In Grade 11, she shaved her hair off for Cancer- raising both funds and awareness. Afterwards, Shayla found out her long pony-tail could not be donated for a wig as she was a hair model and her hair had been dyed too many times. With a smile of reassurance and giving me a wink, my babygirl laughed that it would no longer take her a long time to get ready for school!

On another occasion, she gathered others together in Kelowna’s City Park for donations of winter blankets, mitts and toques for those living on the streets.

At her high school, when she found someone whose shoes were tattered and wrecked, Shayla kicked off her brand new runners and gave them up, without any hesitation. That day, when she came home bare foot-she beamed with declaration that the other person needed them more than she did!

For all of the beauty she saw in the world, Shayla faced difficulties, including being bullied for most of her life. My daughter’s unique Rae-bow attitude saw many target her from things such as her weight, her Aboriginal heritage (she was part Métis) and for always standing up for the underdog. Yet, she never backed down if she believed in something.

The day of December 12, 2011 is etched in my soul, as her grieving mother…I will never get over the moment of hearing that my beloved daughter had been killed. Shayla died- less than 2 weeks before Christmas -in a single vehicle crash on McKinley Landing Road, near Kelowna, British Columbia.  It matters to me the timing; as I was suppose to have her spend the holidays with me at the west coast, just seven days later. On the spur of the moment, she decided to drive from Kamloops to Kelowna, to see a new baby that had been born in her family. Much to my relief, Shayla made the trip and the last picture I have of her is leaning over the baby, with a lovely smile.  Unfortunately, the next day saw my daughter passed away. Her car left the road and crashed through the ice, upside down into the reservoir.

Over the past 2 and ½ years, I have blogged in great detail the painful journey of losing her. Amongst the tears, there has been grace in The Heart Pebble Movement and the changes made to bring safety to the once deadly stretch of McKinley Road. Also included in my posts and shared with my reader's, is a monument with my daughter’s picture, name, a butterfly and her favourite quote etched on it~"Be the Change You Want to See in This World." This granite tribute is a connection to her passion for rock hounding and granite also symbolizes a stone of protection. It was set out where the crash occurred and has seen many paying their respects to a life taken far too soon. 

Recently, a new memorial tribute has been installed that sees the rainbow arc of Shayla come full circle.

While growing up and spending time between my home and her father Dave’s residence, our daughter playfully splashed in the waters of Okanagan Lake. Much to Shayla’s delight, Dave’s home overlooked the beauty of the waters. Every chance she had to go swimming, Shayla would climb down the embankment and be immersed for hours of fun, both in the lake and on the beach. 

At the time, the area was under developed and getting to the water was tricky, because no steps were there to guide you up or down. Furthermore, if you had to make the uphill climb, there was no place of refuge for you to catch your breath or dust the sand off your feet.

Now, through endless dedication and the compassion of many people, Dewdney Beach #1 access has begun transformation.

First, a series of well structured stairs and connected wooden railings, were built to welcome people to the beach and lake area. 

Next, after generous donations and kindness of McKinley Landing Residents and Lakeside Communities Inc. a beautiful bench in Shayla’s memory has been installed. The location, bench and inscription, is stunning! The placement between the two trees has deep meaning, as Ponderosa trees symbolize reaching for the stars and eternal life. 

I like to believe that at some time in her existence, after a day of swimming, she leaned against one of the trees in order to catch her breath.

This was the last tribute to be done in my babygirl’s memory and I am struck with such a profound sense that this is actually Shayla’s final ‘resting place,’ instead of the reservoir.

I recall last year, sitting between the trees, having tea with Brad Dahl and Shane Jamieson. We reflected on how extraordinary the view was and perfect the location would be for the bench. I am deeply grateful for being consulted about what the plaque should say. At the time, I was listening to a song and expressed to Shane the sentiments of its message. Therefore, “An Angel by your Side” came to mind and was made into a plaque.

In wanting to further acquire information about Lakeside Communities Inc., I spoke with Tobi McNeil- Assistant Development Manager, Kelowna Region of Melcor. We shared alot at great length and I found her to be kind-hearted and caring about my immeasurable loss.

She provided me with the following information about Melcor Developments Ltd.  The company is the managing partner and 50% owner of Lakeside Communities Inc.

Timothy Melton is the Executive Chairman and Andrew Melton is the Executive Vice Chairman of Melcor Developments Ltd., the company that has operated as a family real estate firm since 1923.  It has been operating as Melcor Developments Ltd. since 1976.

What impressed me and touched my heart was a quote that Tobi shared with me that is on their website by the Executive Chairman: "The secret of our longevity is achieving results through good people.  The Golden Rule - treat others as you would be treated - has been passed along through three generations of company leadership". - Timothy Melton

This rule was also how Shayla lived her life. I researched more and found the vision of Melcor to correlate directly to the way my daughter wanted to impact the world.

Through the companies values of honesty, integrity, loyalty, respect, quality and pride in all that they do and in their interactions with their customers, suppliers, shareholders and employees they seek to implement The Golden Rule.

It brings me a great deal of comfort to know a family full of values respects my late daughters ideals and have contributed to the beginning of something amazing. I am thrilled to share that Shayla’s bench is to become part of a waterfront park to be developed and created within four acres of the area. I am content knowing the people of McKinley and Lakeside Communities forged together in nature’s beauty, to create a lasting and loving tribute to my “Rae-bow child,” Shayla.

On behalf of the Alton, Osborne Family, friends and loved ones,

Thank you to each and everyone who contributed in making this memory bench possible!

Kindest Regards, Tonya L. Alton 

Video: Angel by Your Side ~ 

Francesca Battistelli

http://youtu.be/vvDBjNG_pws

Unexpected Happenstance

“Sometimes serendipity… is just intention unmasked.”

― Elizabeth Berg

It happens at times when I least expect it; much like a bolt of light that appears to strike at random…the serendipity of this movement reveals itself.

On my recent travels to Vancouver Island, my path was collided with a stranger. He was perched on a seat at the lounge of where I was hanging about – at Ocean Island Inn. His name was Travis Green; a young man full of purpose and assurance.

As we struck up a conversation, we chatted about family, our work and opinions. He discussed his intentions of finding a place in the area and his excitement over his room-mate moving in with him. Travis beamed with happiness that his parents and sister were flying in to join him for the Mother’s Day weekend. I could tell his family ties were strong and he missed their presence in his daily life.

 At some point, I decided to share about my challenges facing yet another Mother’s Day without my beloved daughter, Shayla. I spoke of her loss, the legacy that is present now, the road she changed and her passion for rocks. With every word I relayed, I could feel an awareness of connection; as if he could relate somehow to the journey of a person he never knew.

Unexpectedly, he reached deep into his pant pocket and retrieved a bag containing an assortment of pebbles and polished stones. Travis mentioned how he had carried this bag for a long time and now it made sense to have a say in what I had told him. Releasing them onto the counter in front of us, he asked me to pick a stone out. Although my eyes were drawn to a polished green rock, I locked onto the piece of jagged Amethyst- Shayla’s birthstone. I selected it as if plucking a piece of gold; it’s beautiful energy resonating in my hand. Travis grinned and claimed it back for the pebble release he assured to do, in honour of my daughter.

Ever since the inception of The Heart Pebble Movement, I never underestimate the power of the cause created for an extraordinary young girl. I knew Travis would keep his promise. I anticipated his release as if a divine gift from Shayla for her momma who misses her immensely- on a special holiday when we could not be together.

Mother and Daughter sharing in one of many cherished Mother's Day together

A few days later, before leaving the area, I opened an email. Revealed were the stunning images of Travis’s hand at the Salish Sea, offering the uneven violet quartz… back to the ocean. I was struck profoundly with the momentous of its direct relation between mother and daughter. One of the places the Salish tribes originated was the Shuswap. This is where I grew up and my daughter was conceived. As well, Shayla’s ancestry is woven into her Aboriginal roots; the Métis people. As a result, it is my belief that Travis and I crossed paths for a reason. Thru him, I was honoured as a mother, instead of simply a bereaved parent.

 Just as the waves of the sea carried the ripples made from the amethyst, the frequent cycle of The Heart Pebble Movement keeps on… inspiring others like Travis, to take part.

Shayla beaming with pride over being awarded The Aboriginal Honour Drum

In the time I spent conversing with him, never could I have imagined hidden away in his pocket was a bag of stones, waiting to be revealed. Like the infinity symbol associated with Shayla’s Métis faith and unity of two cultures, mine and Travis’s life had intersected. My heart told the stories in my recounting of a young girl, unknown to him. I feel my daughter had brought us together on the spot, in order for me to describe a movement that has no limits.

Part of his email shares the joy and peace it brought for Travis…

Hey Tonya!

I had a fantastic time with my parents and sister. Victoria is such a phenomenal place, and full of new beginnings!
The pictures were taken on Thursday, May 8 / 14 at the Salish sea in Victoria, BC. It was such a pleasure speaking to you about your daughter, very much struck a cord with me, and I'm so happy you were able to pick my amethyst in her memory. I made sure to get it nice and far out there so the ripples would spread far!

Though it was my 3^rd Mother’s Day spent alone without Shayla, receiving the pictures and kind message from a young man was remarkable! It means that the bond between her and I continues on in the compassion of others. 

By TL Alton 

The Tides of Chance

In our everyday interaction with each other, we rarely have a chance to glimpse into how our words impact the lives of another. We can use our language to bring joy, laughter and a sense of kinship when we share. The decision to open oneself up and reveal the sorrow- we guard close to our hearts- is something that can leave us exposed, especially if that trust is broken. I have lived through both sides of the spectrum… as much as the darkness tried to consume me; the filtered rays of light continue to pour into my delicate heart.  By allowing myself to stay true to my own principles, I am fulfilling my role as a bereaved mother, with the stories of my treasured daughter, Shayla. 

Last year, many unexpected opportunities came my way that saw me leave a life behind that was destined to crumble. In exchange, I was granted solitude that I had not seen in years. While house and pet sitting, I was offered employment at Silhouette Fashion Boutique, in Armstrong. At the time, I had no idea of the light that was surrounding me, guiding me along to where I am now the happiest I have been. Being back at work gave me a sense of value and enabled me to interact with the customer’s in a positive atmosphere. Every day, I looked forward with anticipation, for the chance to share my journey. There was something which uplifted me when helping customers; a sense of importance as I dressed them in the latest fashions. The energy that flowed in the boutique spread out past the displays I created. I took pride in offering a genuine connection to the woman that walked in. Never could I have imagined the ripple effect of my words months later-which have flowed back to me- in a tidal wave of compassion. 

One day, I had a lady enter the store who came to have a look around. She was not from Armstrong, but wanted to come see what Silhouette Fashion Boutique, had to offer. Her name was Margaret Pacheco. Conversing with her came easily, as we shared about life and children, soon the unfolding tale of my daughter had Margaret listening intently. It is interesting to note that I no longer always tell everyone about the tragic passing of Shayla or divulge the cause I created, The Heart Pebble Movement. Some past, unkind experiences have taught me that not everyone wants to know or has your best interest at heart. Now, I pay attention to whether there is a genuine opportunity to spread the ray of light that my daughter, remains. Margaret was such a person who was touched by what I was sharing. At one point, she left to go to her car. What she brought back was a remarkable fusion of Mother Nature’s beauty and the epitome of The Heart Pebble Movement. It was an extraordinary pink granite rock, shaped in the form of a heart. It was sparkly and had small black flecks inside its creation. Margaret went on to explain that she had transported the rock in her vehicle for months, unsure of its purpose or what to do with it. I sensed her excitement when she openly told me that she was going to be travelling to Jamaica and would find a special place to release it. I was humbled by her generous offer and gave her link to the movement. We parted ways and I thought about how the world was churning out such phenomenal opportunities… for the release of pebbles all over the earth! 

There is no method of reason for those I chose to speak with or give the link to the cause. I have lost count how many times I have poured my heart out to complete strangers, never fully aware of the impact Shayla’s legacy has on others. Sometimes, I purely enjoy the compassion of those who are kind enough to listen to a grieving mother. My life carries on, as I cherish the simplicity of the movement. I know that at any given instant, someone can reach back and remind me that there are angels in my world.

Many months passed since first meeting Margaret. I had wondered what come about of the jagged, pink rock that once was in my hands. Yet, I never dwell on it. Once I have told the story and relayed the beauty of The Heart Pebble Movement; I know it is the celestial awakening of destiny as to where it goes or if people decide to participate. 

Recently, I opened my email to discover the following words:

Hi, Tonya, Sorry it has taken me so long to get this to you. I have thought of you and your daughter lots. I’m the lady that came into a store were you were working in Armstrong BC. You and I got talking about life and kids and when I heard your daughters story, I went to my car and got this rock that I had been carrying in there for months. I told you we were heading to Jamaica and I would bring it and leave it in the Sea some where.  My boyfriend, sister and brother in-law were all with me. I told them the story and we all went together to the waters edge and thought about your daughter and how strong you are. Here are two pictures of the rock. Take care I will never forget you and your daughter. And know that I think you are the strongest and best mom I know. lots of hugs go out to you. Margaret Pacheco

I was ecstatic with the magnificent release, Margaret’s thoughtful gesture and the two images I received! She had found a way amongst six billion people, to transform our conversation into action. Margaret held close the knowledge that in her vehicle was something that had the power to bring about change. Then she made the choice to become a source of joy in my life, moving ripples outward into the world, through releasing her pink rock in my daughter’s memory. 

This release is a brilliant teacher. It offers the lesson that one positive act of kindness-stimulated by a chance encounter in a boutique- carries with it the momentum of a 21 yr old girl… who wanted to make a difference in the world, and has. 

By TL Alton

Unravelling Life`s Purpose with Clarity

My solo journey has at times been so overwrought with emotions; it has been a struggle to compartmentalize the many layers of grief, I continue to process. Just because I released my daughter’s ashes, does not mean I have stepped off the merry go round of heartache. Yet, I have been granted a form of security. Knowing that in over two years since Shayla’s passing I have let go of things connected to that fateful, tragic day.

Much can be said for the ending of my six year relationship. If either of us were asked about the demise of our union, I know we would agree that the writing was on the wall, but I simply chose to paint over it. In walking away last year, I did not leave to go immediately find someone else, I left to seek solitude and find myself. 

We all yearn for harmony and the opportunity to be comfortable in our own skin. Yet there are others who cannot survive- being encircled by their own feelings of what their part was- in the demise of another. The choice of betrayal is something you can never take back and leaves those wounded, picking up the fragmented pieces… with many unanswered questions. My choice to not fill the void left by my former partner with a new person… is something I value, as it shows the strength I have, is immeasurable. It also has enabled me to process and mourn the love that is now gone, which takes much more courage to deal with than running into the arms of another. 

When my daughter died, it left me resisting the opportunity to release anything but anger back into the world. Then one day, I resolved to make the decision to walk through the fire and seize the love, beautiful memories and 21 years of what she shared. 

After returning from Maui, I brought the Lei I wore when I had released Shayla’s ashes into the sea, back to McKinley Reservoir. I decided I had to honour the words on my daughter’s memorial stone: “Be the Change You Want to See in this World.” I took the pin I have worn since her death and attached it to the bright orange flowers. On the other side of the reflector, I changed over the picture to the poster I once had on the back of my vehicle. It pays tribute to Shayla through The Heart Pebble Movement and One Crash is Too Many Campaign. I stood there in awe, as I was overcome with a new purpose…I was no longer defined by the frozen waters, as I had enlarged my borders beyond the shrine. No longer did all things lead to this area, as I now was finally looking past the horizon.

In my pocket was a heart shaped piece of coral that I had brought back with me and placed it on the white teddy bear Angel.

I am now applying this to other aspects of my life. Being tied to the past is to be bound to my regrets and does not allow the wounds to heal. In May, I am hoping to finally get resolution on something traumatic that occurred back in January- allowing me to mend the bruises on my spirit- once and for all.

In the meantime, I continue to keep the promise to myself that I am on this solo trek in order to expand my borders…being open to the extraordinary possibilities that await me. 

 `They that wait upon the LORD shall renew their own strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.`  - Isaiah 40:31

By T.L. Alton