The Invisible Golden Bow of Friendship

“When we honestly ask ourselves which people in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.”

― Henri J.M. Nouwen

As I lean over the railing at the lake, under the fragment of the previous full moon, I listen to the darkness breathe out the symphony of stars and noises of twilight. The sounds of the lagoons rhythm against the slumbering aquatic herbs lull me into a state of peace.

I use this precious space of time, to allow myself to bring to my mind, a recent pebble release.  Bound in its liberation, is a friendship which evolved over the years.

I met Joyce through her workplace and was struck by her distinct, beautiful laughter that seemed to echo within me. It was not long before I looked forward to seeing her warm smile and hear Joyce say: “How ya doing?”

Our brief visits, turned into longer conversations with me sharing more titbits about my life, my writing and of course, my daughter. I would tell her of my excitement when Shayla was coming to visit from University and our adventures, I had planned.

After my daughter died, I recall the tears brimming and how she wrapped herself around me, like a safe cocoon, Joyce did not need to offer any words. We started taking walks together and divulging more personal aspects of our lives. Both of us had been in the past and we slowly built our trust in the special times we shared. My dear friend and I have shared meals, coffees and a fabulous visit to Fort Langley, Campbell Valley and Redwood Park. We have talked about baseball, children, grief, relationships and lessons we have learned.

Every milestone that happened connected to Shayla, Joyce was there to support me as her friend. When McKinley Road was awarded near a ½ million dollars to bring safety changes, I was thrilled to tell Joyce and she stood proud with me- one mother to another, in this accomplishment.

Back in January, when I left my vehicle in the Okanagan, I travelled by bus to Langley to attend a child-hood friend’s wedding. It was Joyce- who after working a full shift- would come and pick me up. Since the celebrations were over a course of three days in Vancouver, she would wait at the SkyTrain, past midnight for me to arrive and finally drop me off. I could see the exhaustion on her face, but she never complained and kindly listened to me.  I wept through tears to her about what I was going through with all the emotions of the wedding and the pain inside from someone else’s betrayal. It was a dark time in my life. Had it not been for Joyce’s compassion, hugs and travels together that weekend, I could not have uplifted myself so easily, after the dust settled. Likewise, if it was not for her generosity and kind heart, I would not have been able to go and reunite with Sudesh and his family at the wedding.

 Most recently, the Memorial Bench dedication saw my friend write to me:

The bench is beautiful just like your baby girl Tonya. I didn't get a chance to know her but you both were very lucky to have each other. And you have wonderful memories that no one can take away hang on to those my friend.  Joyce

On a recent trip that Joyce took with her husband and son, to Disneyland, she took part in The Heart Pebble Movement. During their road trip, they stopped along a beach. I received a lovely message from my friend:

Hi there this is where I picked up the stone it was a beautiful spot just outside a place called Brookings. In one of my pictures I am holding the stone to my heart.

Soon after, I was fortunate to receive more beautiful snapshots of Joyce releasing a stone for my babygirl, along with more caring words.

Hi there here are the picture of me at the pier, where I am throwing the stone at Pismo beach
I told your baby girl that we were both very lucky to have you in our lives. And told her I am a good friend of her mom. We both know she is here with us and she knows who I am. Take care my friend, love Joyce

I was deeply touched by her tender release and taking the time from her family vacation to honour Shayla.

I feel I have found her amongst my blessings of treasured friendships; much like a gift whose invisible golden bow of gratitude shines within my memories, she remains present.

By T.L. Alton 

The Tides of Chance

In our everyday interaction with each other, we rarely have a chance to glimpse into how our words impact the lives of another. We can use our language to bring joy, laughter and a sense of kinship when we share. The decision to open oneself up and reveal the sorrow- we guard close to our hearts- is something that can leave us exposed, especially if that trust is broken. I have lived through both sides of the spectrum… as much as the darkness tried to consume me; the filtered rays of light continue to pour into my delicate heart.  By allowing myself to stay true to my own principles, I am fulfilling my role as a bereaved mother, with the stories of my treasured daughter, Shayla. 

Last year, many unexpected opportunities came my way that saw me leave a life behind that was destined to crumble. In exchange, I was granted solitude that I had not seen in years. While house and pet sitting, I was offered employment at Silhouette Fashion Boutique, in Armstrong. At the time, I had no idea of the light that was surrounding me, guiding me along to where I am now the happiest I have been. Being back at work gave me a sense of value and enabled me to interact with the customer’s in a positive atmosphere. Every day, I looked forward with anticipation, for the chance to share my journey. There was something which uplifted me when helping customers; a sense of importance as I dressed them in the latest fashions. The energy that flowed in the boutique spread out past the displays I created. I took pride in offering a genuine connection to the woman that walked in. Never could I have imagined the ripple effect of my words months later-which have flowed back to me- in a tidal wave of compassion. 

One day, I had a lady enter the store who came to have a look around. She was not from Armstrong, but wanted to come see what Silhouette Fashion Boutique, had to offer. Her name was Margaret Pacheco. Conversing with her came easily, as we shared about life and children, soon the unfolding tale of my daughter had Margaret listening intently. It is interesting to note that I no longer always tell everyone about the tragic passing of Shayla or divulge the cause I created, The Heart Pebble Movement. Some past, unkind experiences have taught me that not everyone wants to know or has your best interest at heart. Now, I pay attention to whether there is a genuine opportunity to spread the ray of light that my daughter, remains. Margaret was such a person who was touched by what I was sharing. At one point, she left to go to her car. What she brought back was a remarkable fusion of Mother Nature’s beauty and the epitome of The Heart Pebble Movement. It was an extraordinary pink granite rock, shaped in the form of a heart. It was sparkly and had small black flecks inside its creation. Margaret went on to explain that she had transported the rock in her vehicle for months, unsure of its purpose or what to do with it. I sensed her excitement when she openly told me that she was going to be travelling to Jamaica and would find a special place to release it. I was humbled by her generous offer and gave her link to the movement. We parted ways and I thought about how the world was churning out such phenomenal opportunities… for the release of pebbles all over the earth! 

There is no method of reason for those I chose to speak with or give the link to the cause. I have lost count how many times I have poured my heart out to complete strangers, never fully aware of the impact Shayla’s legacy has on others. Sometimes, I purely enjoy the compassion of those who are kind enough to listen to a grieving mother. My life carries on, as I cherish the simplicity of the movement. I know that at any given instant, someone can reach back and remind me that there are angels in my world.

Many months passed since first meeting Margaret. I had wondered what come about of the jagged, pink rock that once was in my hands. Yet, I never dwell on it. Once I have told the story and relayed the beauty of The Heart Pebble Movement; I know it is the celestial awakening of destiny as to where it goes or if people decide to participate. 

Recently, I opened my email to discover the following words:

Hi, Tonya, Sorry it has taken me so long to get this to you. I have thought of you and your daughter lots. I’m the lady that came into a store were you were working in Armstrong BC. You and I got talking about life and kids and when I heard your daughters story, I went to my car and got this rock that I had been carrying in there for months. I told you we were heading to Jamaica and I would bring it and leave it in the Sea some where.  My boyfriend, sister and brother in-law were all with me. I told them the story and we all went together to the waters edge and thought about your daughter and how strong you are. Here are two pictures of the rock. Take care I will never forget you and your daughter. And know that I think you are the strongest and best mom I know. lots of hugs go out to you. Margaret Pacheco

I was ecstatic with the magnificent release, Margaret’s thoughtful gesture and the two images I received! She had found a way amongst six billion people, to transform our conversation into action. Margaret held close the knowledge that in her vehicle was something that had the power to bring about change. Then she made the choice to become a source of joy in my life, moving ripples outward into the world, through releasing her pink rock in my daughter’s memory. 

This release is a brilliant teacher. It offers the lesson that one positive act of kindness-stimulated by a chance encounter in a boutique- carries with it the momentum of a 21 yr old girl… who wanted to make a difference in the world, and has. 

By TL Alton