The Invisible Golden Bow of Friendship

“When we honestly ask ourselves which people in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.”

― Henri J.M. Nouwen

As I lean over the railing at the lake, under the fragment of the previous full moon, I listen to the darkness breathe out the symphony of stars and noises of twilight. The sounds of the lagoons rhythm against the slumbering aquatic herbs lull me into a state of peace.

I use this precious space of time, to allow myself to bring to my mind, a recent pebble release.  Bound in its liberation, is a friendship which evolved over the years.

I met Joyce through her workplace and was struck by her distinct, beautiful laughter that seemed to echo within me. It was not long before I looked forward to seeing her warm smile and hear Joyce say: “How ya doing?”

Our brief visits, turned into longer conversations with me sharing more titbits about my life, my writing and of course, my daughter. I would tell her of my excitement when Shayla was coming to visit from University and our adventures, I had planned.

After my daughter died, I recall the tears brimming and how she wrapped herself around me, like a safe cocoon, Joyce did not need to offer any words. We started taking walks together and divulging more personal aspects of our lives. Both of us had been in the past and we slowly built our trust in the special times we shared. My dear friend and I have shared meals, coffees and a fabulous visit to Fort Langley, Campbell Valley and Redwood Park. We have talked about baseball, children, grief, relationships and lessons we have learned.

Every milestone that happened connected to Shayla, Joyce was there to support me as her friend. When McKinley Road was awarded near a ½ million dollars to bring safety changes, I was thrilled to tell Joyce and she stood proud with me- one mother to another, in this accomplishment.

Back in January, when I left my vehicle in the Okanagan, I travelled by bus to Langley to attend a child-hood friend’s wedding. It was Joyce- who after working a full shift- would come and pick me up. Since the celebrations were over a course of three days in Vancouver, she would wait at the SkyTrain, past midnight for me to arrive and finally drop me off. I could see the exhaustion on her face, but she never complained and kindly listened to me.  I wept through tears to her about what I was going through with all the emotions of the wedding and the pain inside from someone else’s betrayal. It was a dark time in my life. Had it not been for Joyce’s compassion, hugs and travels together that weekend, I could not have uplifted myself so easily, after the dust settled. Likewise, if it was not for her generosity and kind heart, I would not have been able to go and reunite with Sudesh and his family at the wedding.

 Most recently, the Memorial Bench dedication saw my friend write to me:

The bench is beautiful just like your baby girl Tonya. I didn't get a chance to know her but you both were very lucky to have each other. And you have wonderful memories that no one can take away hang on to those my friend.  Joyce

On a recent trip that Joyce took with her husband and son, to Disneyland, she took part in The Heart Pebble Movement. During their road trip, they stopped along a beach. I received a lovely message from my friend:

Hi there this is where I picked up the stone it was a beautiful spot just outside a place called Brookings. In one of my pictures I am holding the stone to my heart.

Soon after, I was fortunate to receive more beautiful snapshots of Joyce releasing a stone for my babygirl, along with more caring words.

Hi there here are the picture of me at the pier, where I am throwing the stone at Pismo beach
I told your baby girl that we were both very lucky to have you in our lives. And told her I am a good friend of her mom. We both know she is here with us and she knows who I am. Take care my friend, love Joyce

I was deeply touched by her tender release and taking the time from her family vacation to honour Shayla.

I feel I have found her amongst my blessings of treasured friendships; much like a gift whose invisible golden bow of gratitude shines within my memories, she remains present.

By T.L. Alton 

Pebble Seeds of Hope and Remembrance

"Travel is more than the seeing of sights; it is a change that goes on, deep and permanent, in the ideas of living." -- Miriam Beard

I recently met up with my friend Katherine, for a lunch date and plans to go see Redwood Park in Surrey, BC. We had made plans to go to The Fairy Forest that is nestled deep into the wooded areas of the sprawling forest. 

Katherine and I have been friends for over a year- we met through The Langley Hospice Society- in a Bereavement group. Her sorrow was full of heart-wrenching angst in losing her one true love, her husband Glen. 

Overtime, we connected and months later, we have shared in many special places that sees Glen and Shayla shine their love and light upon us. We envision the quintessence of who they were to us, in the bursts of sunflowers that stretch towards the sky. Our hearts skip a beat when we discover a mailbox- reminisce of The Lake House, actually has touching messages from people all over the world. In the same way, we marvel at a pebbles release in locations that have extraordinary connections to Shayla.

The last time I saw Katherine, she gave me a USB stick, full of pictures, videos and showing her part in The Heart Pebble Movement. In sharing her travels, my friend has also opened herself to the cause that plants pebble-seeds of HOPE and REMEMBRANCE on this earth. 

From the pounding surf of Morro Strand State Beach in California, to the dancing kaleidoscope lights of the Bellagio Resort, Katherine’s release of pebbles for Shayla-each time-is a hug around my grieving soul. 

In May of this year, adventure was shared between Katherine and her daughter, Jasmine. The duo travelled to the Yukon, to see Katherine’s best friend, Amy. Over the time I have known Katherine, she has expressed the friendship and strong bond she has with Amy. Over the course of our grief journeys, we have shared the people who have been there for us as we struggled with the loss of our loved ones. My friend made it known that Amy has always been her rock as Katherine mourns Glen. 

Yukon

While in the Yukon- Katherine went to a special place and set one of my daughter’s rocks I had given her- on a section of bridge, overlooking the surging river below. Carved, long ago, was her name- a poignant reminder of a memory that had passed, yet forever remains embedded in the white painted wood. The placement of one of Shayla’s pebble was then given to the churning waters. With its release, came a sense of embracing the beautiful care-free spirit she was. 

Her travels, along with Jasmine, took them back to California and this time the freedom of another pebble from Shayla’s collection, was let go at Pismo Beach. The area of glistening sand colliding with the ocean water brought me solace in knowing the pebble had found a new home. 

One of the things I treasure is that both a mother and daughter had taken part in the cause; a gift in itself, as I no longer have my babygirl to cuddle, love and tell her how precious she is to me. Yet the memories we shared still remain everlastingly… imprinted on my broken heart.

In getting to know Katherine, I have valued her friendship and have been grateful for all she has done to honour my daughter. Every photograph she has taken or video she has shared tells a story. One in which connects her and I both in our tragic losses, but also in the love we continue to have for those we dearly miss.  

By T.L. Alton