Working Through My Grief- Dedication to Stenberg College

We never know the love of a parent till we become parents ourselves.

-- Henry Ward Beecher

I have found the joy in discovering the depths of the bond that remains between my daughter who has passed away and me, her mother. Though death took her away, it is her sphere of light that continues to resonate still in this world. 

Last week, I met with the President of Stenberg College, Mr. Jeremy Sabell and Mr. Les Merson, Director of Marketing & Public Relations. Both gentlemen had extended the kind offer to meet with them. I had been sent via email, photographs from Mr. Merson that were displays of compassion in Stenberg College taking part in The Heart Pebble Movement. This beautiful tribute to Shayla was something for me to treasure as she was honoured in a remarkable way. Two large river rocks had the words of the symposium I attended earlier this May-“Be the Change.” Similar wording is also on her granite marker at McKinley Reservoir. On the back of the river rocks is Shayla’s name and each of the stones has a butterfly. For those who have followed my posts, they will understand the significance, as my daughter ‘symbol’ in life was that of a butterfly. Just over eleven weeks after her passing, I sat on a beach in Maui to mark what would have been her 22nd birthday and looked up to the sky to see the spectacular image of a butterfly. 

Upon walking into the main entrance of Stenberg College, I was welcomed in by one of the large ‘pebbles’ which sits on display at the main desk. Shortly after, I was greeted by Mr. Sabell and Mr. Merson, who walked me into an office. Although I was aware of the time we would have, I also knew it would be impossible to convey what I felt was necessary in me sharing Shayla’s story. 

 

I was further taken aback by Mr. Merson’s generous off to gift me the other large pebble that sat on his office desk. This was seen as a relishing moment to seize the opportunity to be able to place it in a spot where I feel at peace in letting it go. 

In opening myself up to reliving the grief stricken moments that are part of my healing journey, I reached out to these men-father’s themselves- and exposed the pain I have been enduring. As difficult as it was for them to hear such terrible circumstances, it was not easy for me to give so much depth to my anguish. One moment I was speaking of the pebbles and the next of my shattered life, fractured by the death of my only child.

What transpired in the privacy of the room is where it will remain. Although I am open and honest in my postings, there are moments which summon our grief that need to be respected. The thing that matters the most is how I was able to work through my immeasurable loss by telling them who Shayla was in the world. In doing so, I don’t even know if they realized how deeply grateful I am for their time and caring. 

It took a great amount of strength to meet two individuals I had never met before and let my vulnerability show through. There is a quote which sums up exactly how I felt in speaking with both Mr. Sabell and Mr. Merson.

“It takes more than will power to stop thinking of someone you have loved and lost.” –Josephine Humphries

For me, I find grace in being able to speak of my daughter Shayla- the girl with the golden heart- and carry within me her light. 

Sharing Be The Change Pebble with Sarah

I would like to extend my thankfulness to the entire faculty of Stenberg College, who took part in making the decision to honour my daughter in such a profound way. 

I look forward to a future full of hope and possibilities, knowing my struggles are lifted by the memories I will always cherish of Shayla.

By T.L. Alton