Identity of a Skyscraper

You can take everything I have

You can break everything I am

Like I'm made of glass

Like I'm made of paper

Go on and try to tear me down

I will be rising from the ground

Like a skyscraper…

Like a skyscraper…

Demi Lovato ~ SKYSCRAPER

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_8ydghbGSg&feature=share&list=PLE06249B1ECDB83F8

My travels over the past month have seen me spend time in Kamloops with Mindy, visiting and sharing with Lori in Salmon Arm and having Shayla’s fathers’ home as a place of refuge while I dealt with McKinley Road.

There was also moments of grace; where closure finally replaced the welcome mat of grief and allowed me to find peace in unresolved matters. At the University my daughter once attended, there were apologies full of sincerity instead of excuses, for things and people that will remain nameless. What mattered was Shayla was finally bestowed the respect she rightfully deserved. Upon seeing McKinley Road fixed with all of the safety measures now in place, I touched the asphalt, knowing my precious daughter’s life was what paved the change!

My time in Kamloops, spent with Mindy was enjoyable as the laughter and stories we shared saw me immersed in a world where sorrow took a mini-vacation. In the previous months, her friendship has blossomed into an understanding that just as my life is unpredictable, so can be my moods. She embraces those times when I became sullen; she lets me know it is alright to show emotion.  One of favourite quotes reminds me of Mindy and reflects what we have.

“I love people who make me laugh. I honestly think it's the thing I like most, to laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. It's probably the most important thing in a person.” ― Audrey Hepburn

Another dear friend who has seen me through such heartache is Lori. The boundaries of our relationship have been tested over this past year since Shayla passed away. Being immersed in my own world of grief has unravelled a tapestry of anguish; making me walk in the spirit of my loved one on a daily basis. I have spoken before about testing a friendship; one only needs to share in a tragedy together. It has been a struggle for us as two people who are nurturers try to take care of one another, when the reality is we need to look after ourselves first. That being said, I have always felt protective of her and care deeply about her well- being. It is frustrating when the misery becomes a wedge in two best friends who have endured a great deal together. In saying this, the bonds of our relationship although tested, have forged an alliance in what Shayla would have wanted- enriching our lives, rather than allowing grief to tear us apart. Through all of this, I have come to realize that my inundation of the loss of my daughter is my own personal journey and not one that any other-besides me as her mother- can take. As grief does not come with a step by step manual, every person’s reaction to it may be different.

The permanent monument was hand-picked from Burnco Landscaping in Langley. The friendly staff and Management were kind and generous in letting me have the stone for free. I then had  it designed by Surrey Monument Co. Thankfully, it arrived by the time limit we had set. On December 3, it was installed by three men –friends of the family-at the reservoir. To see the granite stone placed into the concrete base was something dreamlike. It was out of the ordinary and yet it seemed as if it was arriving home, in the place where it should be and will remain as a loving tribute to my daughter. On December 12-the one year mark- of her tragic death, we gathered as a family to pay respects, share personal reflections and stories of our beloved Shayla. It was very difficult to look at the frigid waters below us and be reminded of that terrible day. Yet, what shocked all of us the most was some of the drivers who were speeding around the reservoir, oblivious in thinking: It will NEVER happen to me!  Not only is this showing disrespect for a life taken in order to bring change, but also a disregard for safe travels on McKinley! It took only 4 minutes before Shayla and her vehicle were submerged in the icy waters and her life came to an end! I cannot stress enough to those who continue to text, chat on a cell or speed, anytime- anywhere, that your life could change in an instant! Shayla was not doing any of these things and yet she succumbed to her car accident. I will never forget the sound of the Policeman’s footsteps on my stairs and do not want others to go thru what I have had to-the nightmare of this past year! My hope is that if vehicles slow down when they see the granite monument ~ Stone of Protection, then its purpose is being well-served.

On the day of December 12, I was joined by my boyfriend Paul, Shayla’s father Dave, my best friend Lori, and her two children, Sean and Melissa, along with their friend Stephanie at the TREE of MEMORIES. It is a special Christmas tree in the outdoors, at the Kelowna Memorial Park Cemetery, where people can place an ornament in remembrance of their loved ones. We placed several to honour those who passed away within the last year. It use to be a tradition that Shayla and I participated in. Now, as a grieving mother, I stood there with my broken heart gripped with trepidation over having to place a snowflake with Shayla’s name on it.

Later that evening, people gathered with their candles lit, to hear me speak of my daughter. I recall standing on the playground equipment in McKinley Park, while droplets of sadness fell upon the jacket I wore that once belonged to my babygirl. Gazing out amongst the flickering candles, I opened myself up to be able to share the music and poetry; all connected to Shayla. As the CD player rang out the song “Let it be,” I was overcome with emotion. After reading the words of a poem written by my sweet Angel, I found myself gazing towards the night sky. This night was a Celebration of her Life and the heavens were the audience, even if only for a brief time. On the night of the Candle Light Memorial, an older lady named Diane came to me with her husband. Diane gets by with a walker. She told me how she had lost a loved one, many years ago in a car accident. Diane shared how she goes to the crash site where Shayla passed away and fixes up the flowers, and also has brought new items to add to it! I was overwhelmed by this woman's devotion to tending to my daughter's memorial and moved to tears now that Diane has a permanent place in the form of the Granite Stone Monument, to visit. To me, Diane is an Angel!

The Heart Pebble Movement has made such an incredible ripple into this world and I am so happy Shayla’s legacy carries on. I look back on this past year and see how there have been such extraordinary moments in time, when my worries would not let me rest, someone would send me a picture of a pebble they had placed and suddenly I would be uplifted! Another thing I am blessed with is all of the prayer's from people! For me, my walk with Faith is what has seen me through such tragedy. If, I could have one simple wish, it would be for others to see what believing in something can do...bringing us all together in peace this season and into the New Year. Now back home, I know in my heart that Shayla's light will continue to shine!

The song, “Skyscraper” reminds me of my relationship with grief and what it CANNOT take from me. The video speaks volumes on rising up from all of the despair and somehow finding the strength to carry on.

By T L. Alton