RELEASE ~ Part 1

The impact you have on the world is greater than you could ever imagine and the choices you make, affect the whole ~ Daily Om, The Ripple Effect

The shaping of my existence has been a wellspring of emotional kinship, to the burdens I have been triumphant in letting go. I have contributed to The Heart Pebble Movement in over a 100 Blog postings and unravelled my life story, connected to Shayla. In writing about the cause, I have activated the ripples that have been created out of the tragic death of my daughter. Along the way, I have encountered the betrayal of people I have trusted, yet I remain victorious…continuing to thrive…no matter what. This is solely because of my Faith and belief that all things happen for a reason- good or bad. What I have gained amongst the scars, are the life lessons that have taught me to always remain true to who I am. The light continues to illuminate the darkness and the masterpiece of my journey, comes in my ability to move forward. 

In February, my world was blessed in meeting a variety of people, who uplifted me as I became part of an exceptional trip to an Island close to my heart. 

Last month, the unexpected collided with opportunity. I boarded a plane and embarked on a solo 2 week journey to Maui. It was February 23^rd- one day before what would have been Shayla’s 24^th Birthday. The premise of this trip was based on release. Involved, were a tapestry of feelings, which offered a new understanding of what let go- meant to me. Since this was not planned, I had to seek accommodations at the last minute. I placed an ad on Craigslist and received several replies. After several communications with a lady on Maui, we made arrangements for me to stay with her. For privacy purposes, I am referring to her as Muse L. 

Upon arriving at the airport, she was kind to pick me up and drive me to her lovely home on Maui. We spoke about the plans for the next day, but since I was exhausted I found myself in bed- too tired to fully comprehend my plans. 

The next day, after a restful sleep, I found Muse L. was preparing a beautiful meal for our beach picnic and she shared with me some ideas to make the day a memorable one. Some of this included a heart shaped basket filled with local flowers, a blue mesh bag that had turtles adorned on it, a special dessert and a wonderful quilt that belonged to her husband. 

At sunset, Muse L. brought me to meet her friends. There were a small group of us who gathered around a picnic table. The location was KO IE IE, an ancient fishpond-between Menehune Shores and The Whale Sanctuary in North Kihei. Amongst the array of a delicious buffet, were two photographs of Shayla, a variety of pebbles, a bottle of Champagne- to mark her 24^th Birthday and her ashes in the Medicine Bag. I had come to Maui to release my babygirl into the tropical waters of Hawaii. 

The loving tribute to my Babygirl <3

As the sun dropped into the horizon, I walked into the sea-near the opening of the unique rock wall.  The gap is a space that connects the pond with the Pacific. Following me were Terry, Terrance and Andrew. Terry is a close friend of Muse L and he operated the video, while Terrance held the mp3 player.  The music carrying across the waters was a poignant native version of Amazing Grace. In my hands was the blue turtle mesh bag that Muse L. had lent me. I poured my daughter’s ashes into it, out from the Medicine Bag and began to release them, all around me. 

Terrance throwing into the ocean- a special piece of Amethyst gifted from Muse L's collection-  it was Shayla's birthstone.

I channeled all of my heartache into this astounding moment, knowing surrounded by the scars…there was also shift of change occurring. As my angel’s ashes dotted the pond with its presence, I felt a surge of energy. I knew that along with my daughter, I was also letting go of things in the past years and the transformation in my depleted well was overwhelming! Internally, I was now re-filling with salvation. 

When I was finished, I gazed down to see a faint dusting of ashes on me. This gave me a sense of closure, as Shayla was giving her momma, one last ‘hug.’ I immersed myself in the waters and let it all disperse into the sea. In that instance, I became fully aware of the difference between letting go and “Letting Go.” 

As a mother whose child has died, I will never get over her tragic loss…yet the redemption I felt in honouring my daughter’s wishes to go to Hawaii has now come full cycle.

I extend my heartfelt gratitude to those who took part in this life changing experience- which for me healed some wounds and offered me a beautiful release in return.

By TL Alton