A Promise to be Brave

“Sometimes I catch a glimpse, in softened waves of blue…My child, my heart…when I see a smile, I can’t help but think of you…”

~ Michelle Wells 

Throughout our lives, we encounter people who will be a solid rock, standing by us no matter what may come our way. Then there are others, who much like a rolling stone, have a brief impact in our world, then carry on. Sometimes, in a rare matter of circumstance, you are fortunate enough to have made friends with someone, who crosses back and forth into your life. Much like the ebb tides of the ocean which polish the pebbles, these people can walk in as if they have never left. This blog is dedicated to such a person, I call my friend. 

Growing up in the Shuswap was never easy for me. I was the ugly duckling…braces, thick rimmed glasses, a boy’s haircut and hand me downs, cemented me in the vulnerable position to be bullied. I always thought-“if only I was beautiful like…” 

When Shayla was born, with sterling grey eyes, raven hair and the smile of an angel, I assumed things would be different for her. I was appalled to piece together the findings that from the time of kindergarten to her 2^nd year of University, she had been bullied- relentlessly. To my dismay, I would later learn that Shayla’s cries for help and going to the proper authorities fell on deaf ears. After she passed away, I spent months reading the continual entries in her journals. As her mother, I wept over the insufferable pain she endured. Yet, if you were to view the thousands of pictures at any given moment in her life, she was ALWAYS smiling! The courage she had was unwavering and after her passing, I heard how Shayla stood up for others who were also being bullied and tormented. My daughter had a wicked sense of humor and she ‘used’ it against her rivals to the point where they believed she was actually “okay” with getting belittled. Her mask was forged in ridicule and yet she continued to stay strong, in the face of adversity. I found it ironic that when she died, some of those ‘claiming’ to be her friend were dense to think I believed them. I had Shayla’s own words of anguish written over hundreds of pages. It is shameful when my daughter departed this world; there were some who continued to be encrusted by deceit. As much as I wanted to set the record straight, I knew that letting them wallow in their own misery was suffice. 

As I tried to come to terms with her passing, I had someone re- connect with me. When I least expected it…someone walked back into my life in such a profound way, I embraced the joy they brought with them. 

Sara Bareilles - Brave (Lyric Video)    http://youtu.be/xwTr_CRw3GY

Back in Salmon Arm, I grew up with a girl named Michelle. I wanted her gorgeous toffee – perfectly styled locks of hair. Her beautiful smile would make a picture frame fill with envy, while her eyes were stunning. Years later, when she gave birth to twin girls- they were fortunate to inherit their mother’s model features. I share this, as Michelle was the girl that many others wanted to be.

We were friends for many years and had gone through the usual tribulations of friendships; including the complexity of our own relationships with men. While some of our partners may not have been ideal father figures, we would be blessed with four daughters- Michelle having three and me with one. I did not realize it back then, but someday the loving bond of motherhood would bring us once again together.

Over time, we had lost touch and reconnected briefly on Facebook. Due to a misunderstanding, I parted ways with her. Eventually, my consternation with Facebook, led me to deactivate my account.

Last December, I was staying in McKinley Landing, while I planned the first year marking of Shayla’s death with a Candle Light Vigil. I travelled to Salmon Arm to stay with an old friend of mine. She was connected to Facebook and had uploaded the memorial information, I had provided her with. She told me that a message had been sent from Michelle, who had not known my daughter had passed away. In a terrible twist of circumstances, she was finding out for the first time on Facebook, that Shayla had died! Michelle asked if she could attend the vigil and later we met in Lake Country…for the first time in years. 

 

We spoke for awhile; then I caught a ride back to Shayla’s father’s house in McKinley. Michelle had a single red rose she would later place at the granite memorial. It was a challenging situation to be put together and in such a way that was forged in the death of my daughter. I felt bad for my friend, who had just heard the terrible news, while the rest of us had known for a year. 

 During the vigil, I looked at Michelle, grieving along with me and took comfort in knowing she cared. Since reuniting, we have been in contact- every few days sharing messages. 

It was some time after, when I received a beautiful card in the mail. The quote on the front expressed how I will always view my babygirl. Inside, was the familiar handwriting of Michelle and a poem she had composed dedicated to me as a grieving mother; the words tugged at my heart. At the bottom, she had written: When I saw this card, I thought of Shayla… ‘A rare precious stone, one of a kind.’ This thoughtful kind expression is in my office; a hug from across the miles that separate us. 

 Recently, I received several extraordinary images of a pebble being released. Michelle and her husband, Chris had travelled to Quebec. During their stay, they participated in The Heart Pebble Movement.

The location of their release was Parc de la Chute-Montmorency – Montmorency Falls, the second most viewed site after Old Quebec. The soaring 275-foot falls on the Montmorency River are elevated more than the renowned Niagara Falls.

In sharing her brilliant photos, Michelle wrote: I remember how much you said Shayla liked the ocean and as no other river in the world discharges more water into the Atlantic Ocean, thought no better place than this to place a pebble for Shayla!!

 I am full of gratitude for my friend to be one of over 245 people who have released pebbles for Shayla. Her dedication to the cause and us has brought much happiness back to me. Since reconnecting and in sharing our experiences, I have found the young girl I admired, has not had an easy passage in life. I realized this meant that both of us are remarkable woman for the challenges we have endured.

The beauty I sought after in Michelle, years ago, has been traded for something far more precious…

Much like the movements of the pebbles, whose journey is unknown, our friendship has evolved over time, indefinitely. For my friend may not understand my immeasurable loss; but she dares to reflect the light filtered through the darkness of losing a child.

 By T.L. Alton 

“The Most memorable people in life will be the friends who loved you when you weren’t very lovable.”