A Place of Enchantment

Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light. 

~ Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter 

Platform 3/4 located at King's Cross Railway Station in London

 In August 2011, Shayla and I went to Universal Studios-which we included in our trip to Disneyworld. One of our fantastic experiences was at The Wizarding World of Harry Potter™.  In looking back, I was blessed to have spent the last time together as mother and daughter, in such a magical place!

 

This year, in May,  Paul booked a tour to the Warner Bros. Harry Potter experience. He understood how much it meant for me to be able to go to an extraordinary place, which connected me to my daughter. 

As a writer, I absorbed every inch of our tour and discovered endless segments of brilliance that is J.K. Rowling. From the creations of magnificent costumes, to the imagination made to fly, in the scenery that unfolded before me- I was left captivated!  

 

My quest to find somewhere to release a pebble was challenging, as there were no sources of water I could find. Then around the corner, a place leapt out at me and the opportunity to place a pebble for Shayla. One of her beloved Harry Potter characters was Dumbledore. The following is the obituary of the character.

"Albus Dumbledore was never proud or vain; he could find something to value in anyone, however apparently insignificant or wretched, and I believe that his early losses endowed him with great humanity and sympathy. I shall miss his friendship more than I can say, but my loss is as nothing compared to the wizarding world's. That he was the most inspiring and the best loved of all Hogwarts headmasters cannot be in question."

—Elphias Doge  close friend of Dumbledore's

In reading this, I can understand why Shayla felt such a profound connection to the character. I decided to set the pebble near what was a replica of Dumbledore’s Headmaster’s quarters. Something happened with the pink stone that I placed to take a photo, but I am choosing not to share.  The experience made me realize the emotional healing of the rose quartz heart; no matter how fragile it is. 

Amongst the visions of J.K. Rowling, I saw my purpose as a writer, renewed. My respect for her as an award winning author has only magnified. Despite being refused, continually, when first trying to get Harry Potter published- she chose to take her rejection slips and turn them into a cloak of acceptance.

My admiration is imparted to a woman who once sat in a café-struggling in real life- she created a magical existence where good does overpower the bad in this world. 

Despite the many losses encountered in Harry Potter; the fragments of love, hope and light shine through the remarkable legacy carried on in our own imaginations. 

By T.L. Alton

Through the Eyes of a Child

The soul is healed by being with children. ~ Fyodor Dostoevsky 

Parker

As time passes by, I often think what it would be like to have become a grandmother. The joy of being able to hold a grandchild in my arms and see the legacy of mine and Shayla’s lives carry on, is something I have always yearned for. When my daughter passed away, I never believed I would experience the happiness of having another child in my life. Then a blue-eyed little girl, with freckles sprinkled across her cheeks and boundless strawberry curls, entered into my world. Her name is Parker and she has enabled me to seek the courage to love a child again. 

In the summertime, Parker and her Grandpa Dave (Shayla’s father) came for a visit. I decided to take them to places Shayla and I had spent time together, over the years). Our first stop was to Crescent Beach, near White Rock, BC, where they sat near the ocean and blew bubbles.  

Grandpa Dave and Parker- Crescent Beach

Later, I took them to see the snowberry bushes planted in memory of three loved ones lost in the year 2011-Shayla, Marilyn and Chad. The lush green foliage was bursting with pinkish flowers and white berries. The name of the genus is derived from the Greek words, meaning "to bear together." 

Snowberry Bush

Our next visit was to Redwood Park, in Langley, BC where I hoped to share “The Fairy Forest” with Parker. Unfortunately due to my directionally challenged nature, I went left instead of right and we ended up taking a long walk through the woods. Dragging a massive leaf, this little 4 ½ year old was about to give up on finding anything exciting to do, when we spotted the playground that sufficed her quest for adventure. 

 

Tonya and Parker at The "Upside Down Tree"

Over the past few weeks, I have been working on a special project for Kimberly’s daughter, Parker. It is my hopes that when she finally receives her gift, it will make up for me getting us ‘lost’ in the woods.

Family Memories

It has brought me such grace to know that I can have a relationship with her, in whatever form and that she has a vast imagination, much like her Aunty Shayla did. 

When Parker and her brother Mason were born, my daughter made sure she was a part of their lives. Many pictures were taken of Shayla with her niece and nephew...it is bittersweet to reflect back on the snapshots and imagine what an extraordinary mother she herself would have become. 

I never thought it would be possible to be around little babies or children again, yet I knew that if I did not participate in their lives, mine would be left emptier than it already is. To be able to share the love that Shayla would have imparted on them is to summon from my own grief, some form of healing. 

As I take a step outside my comfort zone, I chose to make new memories and be grateful for believing that love comes in all forms; in all possibilities…despite a world of loss. 

By T.L. Alton

Working Through My Grief- Dedication to Stenberg College

We never know the love of a parent till we become parents ourselves.

-- Henry Ward Beecher

I have found the joy in discovering the depths of the bond that remains between my daughter who has passed away and me, her mother. Though death took her away, it is her sphere of light that continues to resonate still in this world. 

Last week, I met with the President of Stenberg College, Mr. Jeremy Sabell and Mr. Les Merson, Director of Marketing & Public Relations. Both gentlemen had extended the kind offer to meet with them. I had been sent via email, photographs from Mr. Merson that were displays of compassion in Stenberg College taking part in The Heart Pebble Movement. This beautiful tribute to Shayla was something for me to treasure as she was honoured in a remarkable way. Two large river rocks had the words of the symposium I attended earlier this May-“Be the Change.” Similar wording is also on her granite marker at McKinley Reservoir. On the back of the river rocks is Shayla’s name and each of the stones has a butterfly. For those who have followed my posts, they will understand the significance, as my daughter ‘symbol’ in life was that of a butterfly. Just over eleven weeks after her passing, I sat on a beach in Maui to mark what would have been her 22nd birthday and looked up to the sky to see the spectacular image of a butterfly. 

Upon walking into the main entrance of Stenberg College, I was welcomed in by one of the large ‘pebbles’ which sits on display at the main desk. Shortly after, I was greeted by Mr. Sabell and Mr. Merson, who walked me into an office. Although I was aware of the time we would have, I also knew it would be impossible to convey what I felt was necessary in me sharing Shayla’s story. 

 

I was further taken aback by Mr. Merson’s generous off to gift me the other large pebble that sat on his office desk. This was seen as a relishing moment to seize the opportunity to be able to place it in a spot where I feel at peace in letting it go. 

In opening myself up to reliving the grief stricken moments that are part of my healing journey, I reached out to these men-father’s themselves- and exposed the pain I have been enduring. As difficult as it was for them to hear such terrible circumstances, it was not easy for me to give so much depth to my anguish. One moment I was speaking of the pebbles and the next of my shattered life, fractured by the death of my only child.

What transpired in the privacy of the room is where it will remain. Although I am open and honest in my postings, there are moments which summon our grief that need to be respected. The thing that matters the most is how I was able to work through my immeasurable loss by telling them who Shayla was in the world. In doing so, I don’t even know if they realized how deeply grateful I am for their time and caring. 

It took a great amount of strength to meet two individuals I had never met before and let my vulnerability show through. There is a quote which sums up exactly how I felt in speaking with both Mr. Sabell and Mr. Merson.

“It takes more than will power to stop thinking of someone you have loved and lost.” –Josephine Humphries

For me, I find grace in being able to speak of my daughter Shayla- the girl with the golden heart- and carry within me her light. 

Sharing Be The Change Pebble with Sarah

I would like to extend my thankfulness to the entire faculty of Stenberg College, who took part in making the decision to honour my daughter in such a profound way. 

I look forward to a future full of hope and possibilities, knowing my struggles are lifted by the memories I will always cherish of Shayla.

By T.L. Alton