Unbounded Moirai

The death of a child is like a stone cast into the stillness of a quiet pool; the concentric ripples of despair sweep out in all directions, affecting many, many people. ~ J. DeFrain

There have been cycles of changes in my life since Shayla passed away. Some were foreseen- while others ripped away my sense of security- in those I believed I could count on, to be there for me. 

Through my turmoil, I discovered a new sagacity of what defines “family,” all the while holding in my arms the passing through of loved ones, who departed and felt like they have died to me. 

The crest fallen tears have been wiped away by stranger’s hugs… amidst the losses bestowed upon me, is a sense of belonging. Often the feeling of a puzzle piece being crammed into the wrong opening, sums up how it is to be amongst some people, who I once felt part of their lives. 

As a result of the many signs I have received after my daughter’s death, I am open to the realms of possibilities in which Shayla believed, while here on earth. 

Last year on Christmas Day, I met an extraordinary woman whose life would intersect with mine in remarkable ways. 

My plans were to see the movie “Unbroken.” I had a theater picked out, yet due to me getting lost, I could never imagine what it is that I would find. Judy and her partner Marc, who were in the city, visiting from Campbell River- where they reside- also wanted to see “Unbroken.” They were supposed to be at a different theater and yet, all three of us crossed paths at the same location, at the same time, on the same day.

As we entered the theater, neither of us had any notion that our daughters, Shayla and Lindsay, had brought us together in a significant manner. As we sat down, it was not long before we discovered that each of us had a daughter who had died young. 

When sharing about Shayla’s tragic passing on December 12^th, Judy’s expression changed. She revealed that same day was Lindsay’s birthday.  I spoke more of my bereavement journey and of the grief support I had received. When mentioning, “The Compassionate Friends of Canada,” Judy explained how she belonged to the same non-profit organization, where she lived. 

Sitting in the theater together, we were partly in shock over the similarities; as well we drew such great comfort in them. 

Watching “Unbroken”- a movie of suffering, sacrifice, courage and faith, saw us relate to certain aspects of the movie. 

Afterwards, we exchanged contact information and now, nearly eight months later I sit here writing about my “Sister of Heart” as I lovingly call her. 

There have been endless emails shared over time, messages of love for our treasured daughters, sorrow over their deaths and an understanding that only a mother whose child has passed away, can truly empathize. 

We have become close over our personal struggles, along the way, trusting one another with our darker moments. 

Beyond the boundaries of our friendship has flourished, a compassion for what we have endured and continue to live through, on a daily basis. 

One day, after checking my mail, I discovered I had a parcel to pick-up. I cannot express how much happiness it brings, when I find someone has sent me, something in the mail. Even a card can uplift my soul~ in the love and care~ in which it was sent. I saw it was from Judy and carefully opened the box to discover marvelously crafted angel wings. Judy would later tell me how she had the same sparkling wings and wanted to gift me one as a present, which now holds my precious heart of Selenite stone. 

This spring, saw much disorder in my life, yet when I needed help in ways that go outside of the realms of camaraderie; it was Judy who did not hesitate to give more than a helping hand. Upon receiving a parcel from her, I wept tears of joy over what the package contained. I rejoiced in her generous, kind heart and cherished the grace she extended to me. For me, the one gift is private between us dear friends, yet within the box was also a dragonfly décor ornament, which came with a brilliantly written poem. Judy had no idea my nickname was related to these beautiful creatures. She wrote: 

The dragonfly I bought two weeks ago with you in mind; I didn't know that you like dragonflies, but I thought it was beautiful and reminded me of you ~ Judy 

In return, I sent a bundle of my finest Gypsum Rae Photography Notecards, along with my sincere gratitude for all she has helped me with.

Not long after, I received an email from Judy which she shared:

I said I was your friend no matter what you needed! I will always try to be there for you and this is my way of showing you that we are friends for life and I know that if I needed anything, you would have my back too!

In May, after an exchange of more emails, I received the following from my Sister of Heart: 

I manage a dollar store in Willow point, on the outskirts of Campbell River. It's a really nice view from the store as I can see the ocean. When I walk across the highway, I sit on the park bench and look at the water… I will definitely buy a special Gem to put in the water here for Shayla.  

A short time passed before I was sent a photograph of the shimmering stone, which Judy had chosen, for my babygirl. She let me know when the ripples had been made- granting me peace- this amazing release had phenomenal connections. 

As bereaved mothers, we feel our missed daughters; Shayla and Lindsay, made it possible for us to meet on Christmas day. There are scars upon our fragile hearts for the sorrowful wounds we have encountered, so they gifted us a friendship~ bound in healing. 

Even though we only met once in person, our closeness goes further than our immeasurable losses. The stems of flowers once collected by our children, now have scattered seeds of hope. 

In the closing of our emails, we always sign: Friends through the Light and Love of Our beautiful daughters Shayla and Lindsay…with the understanding that grief’s finest melody, is played between the heartstrings of two people.

By T L Alton

Voyages of a Travelling Pebble

"There are moments in life, when the Heart is so full of emotion that if by chance it be shaken, or into its depths like a pebble… drops some careless word, it overflows, and its secret, spilled on the ground like water, can never be gathered together." ~ Henry Wadsworth

This quote binds me to a child who lost her life on December 12, 2011.
On that day, fate collided with tragedy and my 21 year old daughter, Shayla Rae Dawn Driver was taken from me. Her single car wreck on a road besieged with previous accidents spun me out into my own destiny; where moments of chance have played out at the hands of an unseen force.
During the time since Shayla’s death, I have become the voice of a young, promising woman whose life ended on that winter's day. My tears, mirror the courage it has taken me to stand up to those, who disregarded my daughter’s life. My words echo throughout humanity that I will continue to carry on a cause, close to a mother’s heart.
Since the reasons of my blogging are to share the pinnacle moments rooted in pebbles, it lends itself to also being the change we wish to see. For Shayla’s passion for stones helped create The Heart Pebble Movement.
The purpose of the cause is to have anyone who wishes, to set a pebble into a source of water. This could be a pond, the seaside, a fountain, river, waterfall or a creative way of combining the two elements. It is key that I stress that safety must be the number one priority of everyone who participates.  Consider this in your release of a pebble and share with me, as I want to hear of stories that will inspire.
The origin of this movement came a month after Shayla’s passing. I was packing up her belongings and found her beloved winter jacket. At first, I grabbed the coat with the intention to wash it, yet something urged me to put it on. With tears pooling and my hands trembling, I wrapped my arms around myself in a hug. Suddenly, I felt something in the right sleeve. There under the folds of the jacket was a hidden pocket. I opened it and found a black velvet bag. Placing it on the table, I carefully opened to see its contents. Inside were several of my daughter’s treasured pebbles and a tattered piece of paper. Unfolding it, I recognized my writing in an instant. The note was written by me, four years earlier, from mother to daughter. I broke into a rupture of tears. It occurred to me how close I had come to washing away the remnants of my words that conveyed the integrated bond, Shayla and I shared. Lingering memories of our relationship and my daughter’s brilliant connection to pebbles, brings me comfort. I have found countless boxes of Shayla's filled with stones, gems, and crystals.
After Shayla passed, my former boyfriend Paul, shared with me how he had picked a pebble from his own unique assortment of rocks and hiked in the snow to a waterfall. The location was where he and Shayla had hiked the year before. There Paul gently placed a pebble into the icy waters, in her memory. Later, when I was alone, I imagined pebbles released all over the world; a loving tribute, to a young woman, with a golden heart.
Thus began the creation of The Heart Pebble Movement; with the inspiration of a Rose Quartz stone belonging to Shayla. Rose quartz is known as a love gemstone. Its pink color signifies its meaning. It is all about ‘love’ in different forms like love for oneself, love between a mother and child love or universal love. This gemstone can strike an energy that heals broken hearts.
Shayla’s Rose Quartz was with her when she passed away and found its way to me as I mourned her immeasurable loss.
I have received posts and pictures, not only in Canada, but all over North America, Europe and South America. Myself, I have travelled to Hawaii and England to place pebbles for my beloved daughter. Others have set a stone or pebble in on the beaches of the Philippines, in the Amazon River and on top of Machu Picchu. These are a few examples to show how the pebbles have travelled all over the world.
This movement has changed my degree of grieving. Even though I will never get over the loss of my daughter-it has shifted me into a positive light- stripping away the bleak reality of Shayla’s untimely passing.
When I am sent a photograph of where a pebble was immersed in water, it offers me such grace and comfort in a society where I am now known as a Vilomah. This term- derived from Sanskirt- refers to a parent whose child has died.
 By sharing the voyages of these travelling pebbles and the connection to my babygirl, I hope you find the time and place in your life to place one for her.
I encourage and welcome people to share with me their stories and snapshots of The Heart Pebble Movement. It is my hope that the roots of this cause will extend to the branches of a Ponderosa Pine tree…offering us protection along our journeys, as we share in life’s unexpected moments.