At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us. ~Albert Schweitzer
I pondered over whether to post a blog on gratitude this Thanksgiving weekend in Canada. The harsh reality of opening my heart is such a paradox that the mere notion I have something to be thankful for is illogical. Since Shayla’s passing I have come thru three seasons; times of the year that saw me move in slow motion thru spring, summer, autumn and soon full circle into December.
When my daughter died unexpectedly, I found my senses more in tune than ever before. I began to notice things that previous would have merely passed me by, without a care. I started to watch people and their interaction with one another, or lack of it. Having dinner with my partner, I watched in disdain as another couple seated by us, had their cell phones on and were texting. It was clear it was not each other and I wanted to walk up to them and ask: “How would you feel if suddenly one of you died? Would whoever you are texting really matter?”
My heightened sense of tuning into those who are tuning out took a whole new level of condescension when I was stopped at a traffic light. Glancing over to the play yard of a local School, I was astounded to see a mother speaking on her cell; her back was to her child on a swing. She was robotically pushing the chain link, uninterested in any connection to her youngster. This should have been a special bonding moment between mother and child. Now as a result of intrusive technology, the connection was severed by a small device, robbing them of their precious time.
For me, it is an unforgiving slap on my face when I am witness to a society that has never been so connected by technology, yet so disconnected by means of real communication.
As a bereaved parent, I yearn to hold my child’s hand in mine, to smell her jasmine perfume lingering on her favourite sweatshirt. I want to twirl her wisps of coloured hair in my fingertips and swap clothes as we burst into laughter over nothing.
This holiday weekend, I won't do any of those things that we take for granted. Instead, I will place pebbles for a life ended far too soon! I will recall how with Shayla, she was an incredible light in my world. The deep connection we shared was unparallel to any other person I have known.
If there is anything I am thankful for this Thanksgiving is that I was blessed for twenty-one years, with a spark of life, that when we shared love, we embraced from our hearts the flame within each of us.
~ T L. Alton
