This past week I had to take some downtime for myself, away from my blogging. Being away last year for a month, in the midst of moving, then dealing with the holidays saw me have alot on my plate. In unpacking our belongings, I was once again forced to contend with the fact that my daughter is gone.
What I had not expected was how our former home is now being made with a different vision. In setting up our personal space, Shayla is in every corner...now though in a way reflective of good memories. In dealing with her collection of Betty Boop, pebbles, and other effects, I have been creative in honouring her beautiful soul.
The process of going through everything once again has at times been overwhelming, intrusive and challenging. In the past, I have trudged through it and ignored my own well-being as I had time lines to meet. Now, I am creating space for me; filling corners with my passion for reading, scrap booking and photography. What I have found, is healing in a way that is restoring my spiritual self; focusing on things that need to be set right instead of being fixed. The difference is I will never heal from losing my only child, but I will let the wounds repair themselves. I accept that my invisible band-aid will from time to time, be ripped off and expose me to the pain all over again. Right now I am walking into unknown territory; one in which I am freely open to concentrate on me and embrace the solitude. I have to continue to keep the promise I made to my daughter...if anything ever happened to her, that I would carry on and live, rather than give up!
As much as I have wanted to blog all week and share, I had to allow myself the time to sit in my pj's, slowly unpack and settle into new beginnings. Of course, I plan on returning to my writing as that is my main reason for reaching to others. I am filled with thankfulness to those who have let me know that I am not forgotten either. In the meantime, the best thing for me to do is to put myself first, knowing The Heart Pebble Movement continues on.
