Seekers of Life

Hands… put your empty hands in mine

And scars, show me all the scars you hide

And hey, if your wings are broken

Please take mine so yours can open too

'Cause I'm gonna stand by you

Oh tears… make kaleidoscopes in your eyes

And hurt, I know you're hurting, but so am I

And love, if your wings are broken

Borrow mine so yours can open too

'Cause I'm gonna stand by you…

Song- Stand By You -Writer ~ Rachel Platten- Video Link:  
https://youtu.be/-urmcz2RSwI

There are people whose paths cross with yours and a spark ignites in such a profound way that feels like you have either known them your whole life or in a previous existence. This is the friendship I share with Judy Dowd. 

Last year, I spent my first Christmas in Victoria on the streets…not as a homeless person, but by placing myself in the shoes of others in need, I found my meaning of Christmas in the people I encountered. I had made snowman goodie bags teeming with fine chocolates and treats. While handing them out, I was wearing a pin with my daughter’s picture in it. Shayla’s passion for those less fortunate saw her wanting to help others. With that pin, I felt as if a piece of her was with and guiding me, as I gave from my own broken heart. 

Afterwards, I had plans to go see the movie “Unbroken” and being new to the area, I ended up at a different theatre, than originally planned. Standing in line was Judy and her husband Marc. They were from Campbell River. Later, the purpose of their visit would align with mine, in a heavenly way. Judy also had plans with Marc to go to another theatre location to watch “Unbroken”, but ended up with me standing beside them.

Upon seeing my pin, Judy asked about it and I told her about Shayla. Once in the cinema, we sat together waiting for the film to begin. As we talked, I felt like I had just reunited with a close friend. Judy openly shared about the death of her daughter, Lindsay. Both our girls had died young- at the same age- 21 years.

With the waves of grief, we spoke from our tender hearts of the tremendous losses we both had endured. When I shared with Judy the day of Shayla’s passing- December 12^th, I could see she was affected by this. Judy then confided Lindsay’s birthday was the same date- December 12^th. It was then, I found out the purpose of her visit- she had visited her daughter’s grave site in Victoria.  When I confided in me giving out goodies bags to the homeless- there was another extraordinary connection between us- with those on the streets. 

After the movie ended, we walked together to the end of the street, exchanging information and promising to keep in touch. Little did I know that many things would parallel in our lives- in such a way- which defies reasoning.

Soon after our initial encounter, emails were being sent back and forth to one another. For me, Judy’s friendship brings me acceptance with myself; that despite my own quirks, I am able to flourish in ways that sees my rainbow shine! 

Through my correspondence with her, Judy soon discovered the writer within me as stories of past and present were exchanged. It was through my revelations of the suffering I have encountered; where she was also shown the inner light that flickers within my soul. 

This spring I received a box full of blessings and one of them was a shimmering dragonfly ornament! Judy had no idea I use to collect all things to do with dragonflies. As our friendship developed in layers of sharing, we grew closer… even though distance kept us apart.

On December 12^th of this year, I was unsure of what I wanted to do in remembrance of Shayla. Judy called and offered to drive from Campbell River where she lives and share the day with us staying in a local hotel. I was taken aback at her never ending generosity and welcomed the chance to see her again. What unfolded over the next 48 hours was wrapped up in the hearts of our daughter’s love for us.

On that day, we were to meet up at a local mall. Not realizing how much I had to do that morning, I finally arrived at the madness of the mall- where my dear friend had to wait for me a lengthy time. As I had just finished a 2 week house and pet sitting position, poor Judy had enough of the shopping mayhem going on. The whirl inside of the mall was no match for the windstorm warning that was in effect for the Island. After braving sheets of pounding rain, pools of flooding water and blasts of wind…we made our way to my vehicle.

I took Judy back to where I live- for right now, with wonderful friends of mine. The past year battling health issues and my former living arrangements, I was wiped out from all of the stress I had been put through. When I showed her the festive beauty of the small Christmas tree my friend Lilian had placed in the loft, we admired the pearl and gold butterfly, placed as the tree angel. Since being placed there, the tree has seen me place special ornaments, which brings joy to my heart.

As we were on borrowed time and the weather was not cooperating, we set out on going to Lindsay’s grave site. As this is a sacred place for Judy to visit, I was deeply touched when she had invited me to come along with her. Not only was the miserable storm outside bad timing, but the clock read 6 pm. We had not eaten nor had we even checked into our hotel. After receiving directions, we ventured on our way.

As we drove along a winding, soaked road, we seemed to be drawing further into the forest. Suddenly, a flagger appeared with a sign that the road we needed to be on was closed. Perplexed as to what we should do, I drove down a side road throwing us off track and by the time I turned around, the road was re-opened.

Stopping in at the local Thrifty’s, we picked up a lovely bouquet, along with the purple carnations I decided to get. Judy usually released balloons- but with the storm whirling outside and pelting rain, she decided not to. We agreed that we were on an adventure our girls would have planned. Nearing the cemetery, we arrived and saw the sign that it closed at 4:30. I felt my heart sink for a moment as did Judy’s, until we came to the gates which were open for us. For those who have ever visited a cemetery- there are reasons for coming during the day!

It was amazing that we found Lindsay’s grave site and as we found our way to the very spot, we were getting drenched! We needed to see our way, so we flipped on our cell phone flashlights. As we stood over Judy’s daughter plaque, my phone suddenly started to flash a message… we were bursting into fits of laughter as my cell said: “Congratulations! You have won an IPAD 6 phone!” The timing saw both Judy and I, overcome with amusement.

A few minutes later, a poignant moment followed with her placing the bouquet and saying loving words between mother and daughter. Judy asked that I sometime come back to Lindsay’s grave site and I promised to. 

One more stop, found us at beer and wine store, where a wonderful customer clerk provided exceptional service and recommendations, after we shared about the significance of the day. She suggested a wine with sayings on the label- given Shayla along with Lindsay had a wicked sense of humour- we settled on the following bottle. 

Later, we embarked on another epic quest when we tried to check in at our hotel. I will share that the General Manager later graciously resolved any concerns we had encountered. Once we were finally inside our room, we turned and pondered the complexity of the artwork displayed on the wall. Our merriment was followed by more laughter, sharing and stories of our beloved girls.

As the evening progressed we decided to eat at The Keg (a favourite place of Lindsay and Shayla’s). As we indulged in our meals, more chronicles of our lives unfolded. Emerging through our words were the formations of who are daughters were and what they stood up for.  I was struck by the constant similarities between one another.  Both girls were strong willed and questioned authority on many levels. I reveled in hearing Judy's accounts of Lindsay ' s bible filled with personal seeking, as it reminded me of Shayla attending three different churches, before her passing. They also had their own sense of style- with a flair that made them unique as the soul that embodied them. In sharing our tales, we found an intricate bond between our daughters, who had brought us together.

Returning to our room we decided to have a toast to our seekers of life. What they gave back to the world in such a short time remains part of their legacies.  Both Lindsay and Shayla had golden hearts and a way of giving to others, which left many in awe, of their compassion. 

Afterwards, Judy and I had a gift exchange. Since it was the day of Lindsay’s birthday, I gave an angel wings ornament. 

To commemorate our friendship, I presented Judy with a decoration that had Kindred Spirits of Friendship on it. When it came time to receive Judy’s gift I was emotional as again she had bought me something I was coupled to. Every year for Christmas Shayla would buy me a snowman ornament that lit up. I have a treasured collection that brings back memories of how my daughter was the essence of giving. Without knowing, Judy gifted me a delightful snowman that lights up- with the words “Forever Friends.” 

 

That night, we had filled more than the passage of time. As we stayed awake until past 3 am, two mothers remembering our daughters, Judy and I poured back into our fragile hearts, a deluge of memories that bound us together…past our grief. Through our love and devotion to our girls- we breathed life again into who they were- while on this earth for 21 years.

It was later when I realized on the fourth anniversary marking the death of my child, that I had not shed tears, nor was I on my knees at the frozen reservoir where she perished. My grief has evolved to a place where I see Shayla alive in my thoughts and no longer envisioning the last time I saw her at the hospital. After all this time, my laughter found its way back into my lungs and I could think about the way she lived and not how she died.

Several matters of the heart took place in order for this to happen… I have never wavered on my faith, I immersed myself into the GriefShare Program and I let myself be lead to the pathway of my cherished friend Judy, who I now call my Soul Sister. 

There would be more to unfold the next day- miracle moments revealed that unite me to this woman- who understands my loss, as she has walked in the footsteps as a grieving mother.

Once back home, Judy sent me a message that sums it all up for me:
“I’m imagining the girls dancing in Heaven because we met and we enjoyed each others company and we became even closer. I can’t believe it that we’ve only met twice and yet I feel like you’re my long lost sister and I have been searching for you for years.”

For me, I felt a pull to this Island for a decade…I never wanted someone to walk in front of me as I trailed behind…I wanted someone to be by my side in ways no one else ever could. The happiness I sought in my life was to give the love I have abundance of and in return to feel complete with the roots of family. Judy Dowd is the sister I yearned for- who because of the battles I have faced, she values the life I have lived and believes in me. 

If our daughters had not passed away, we would never have come to know one another. We both admit in a heartbeat, if we could have our girls back, we would. Yet despite our tragedies, an opening in Heaven took place when Lindsay and Shayla requested one of those ‘miracle moments’ to occur and two bereaved mothers met on Christmas Day, giving us the beautiful gift of friendship that remains.

By TL Alton