Moments in our lives, either become days we want to reminisce or else bury deep- in order to try and forget. We mark dates on a calendar that become numerals suspended in time. When one day we find a year that has long passed, we discover where we were on a certain day.
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| Shayla and I on a road trip through USA- first stop, Winthrop, WA |
I have several of these paper time capsules that transport me back in an instance of… ‘Remember when…”
Road trips are similar in that we move from point A to B, to
help us create memories. In doing so, our escapades are reminders of time
passed together. If one c considers the adventures taken, then the means of how
we travel have to be acknowledged. If not, it is like forgetting to be thankful
for the pain you have endured- in order to make you a more grateful person- for
where you are now in your life. One thing is coupled with the other. For me, my
vehicles are not simply means of transport; they have held the passengers who I
have loved and taken us on explorations of uninhibited travel.
Every type of transportation I have owned has been named. It
is a bonding I feel with my vehicle; allowing the ‘personality’ of the car to
shine thru. My last vehicle was named Horatio. To those who I have shared why
the name stuck to my 1994 Nissan Pathfinder, it is good for a chuckle. This
year, due to major repairs I could not afford I had to part with Horatio. What
I was not prepared for is the unanticipated action of having to ‘let go.’
When my
landlord sensed my reluctance about getting rid of my Nissan, I shared with him about what saying goodbye
to my SUV meant. This was the vehicle that had been on many exciting camping
trips with my former boyfriend; we had packed it full and spent many nights
with Horatio by our side at the campfire.
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| Camping with Horatio and snow |
Yet it was the deepest connection to
Shayla that saw tears flow, over the realization that she would not ever
physically be sitting, in my new vehicle’s passenger seat. Horatio was the one
who drove me through a snowstorm on the Connector to pick my daughter up
several hours away, to bring her back to Van city area. We had grand plans to
celebrate her last birthday together. On my way there, when I hit black ice and
a semi was bearing down on me, I cranked the wheel to get out of the way. It
was surreal to experience the SUV become airborne, turn 360 degrees and land
softly in the opposite direction of traffic, in a mound of snow. An eye witness
driving behind me was in shock over how I did not roll my vehicle, which SUV’s
are notorious for doing. Afterwards, I managed to get back onto the road and
pick Shayla and her friend up. On the way back, we encountered one of the more
severe snowstorms I have driven thru. Yet, we arrived safely and enjoyed a
weekend celebration of my daughter’s 21st birthday. Horatio was the vehicle that put up with
Shayla and I singing like a cluster of meerkats being steamrolled, the words to
one of our favourite melodies, “You Are a Superstar!” The inside of him was turned into our own
rave DJ booth and as I looked over at her, her head bobbing up and down,
burgundy hair whipping about, I wanted those moments imprinted on my heart
forever. Giving up the Nissan meant her scent would never be in the new one.
When Shayla died, I took the keys from her
mangled wreckage-what was left of her car- and had them dangle from my
rear-view mirror. Knowing her hands had touched them one last time, brought me
some comfort. I also took a wooden cross I had given her and tied it inside
Horatio. I have imagined a thousand times it was one of the last things she saw,
before she passed. Yet, as I have learned over these few years, being attached
to ghosts of your past can drag you down.
Soon after, I began the quest for another used
vehicle. I was given a limited budget and those who assisted me, should know I
have thanked them many times, in my prayers. Unfortunately, I was having no
luck as I limped into my gracious mechanics, lemon of vehicles that
would cost a fortunate in repairs. I decided to leave matters be for awhile and
see what came about.
My landlord knew of my desperate situation to get out of
my Nissan- due to over a dozen fractures in the frame- it was deemed to be
undriveable. I arrived home one day, after work to find a 1991 white Chevy
Lumina, parked in the driveway. After a discussion with my landlord, he shared
he had bought it from friends, then took the liberty of paying for nearly a
$1,000 worth of repairs to get it in good running condition. I was worried as I
did not have all of the money for the vehicle and my landlord said I could make
payments to him…if I was interested in the car. I looked over at Horatio and
knew it was time to part ways.
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| Introducing...SHEBA |
I spent the next few hours cleaning the Nissan
out, carefully taking down every memento. I walked around the back and
felt pure joy from what Horatio had brought me and the attention to his back
bumper. Over the years, I stuck a variety of stickers to it. One was for
mental health and awareness, another echoed the word “Boobies!,” which is the organization Keep-a- breast.org for breast Cancer awareness. While
travelling to Hawaii, I picked up several unique stickers reflecting the beauty
of the Islands. A medley of angels, fairies and butterflies graced the back.
When I was driving, I would look up to discover snapshots being taken, people
smiling and honking or even giving me the thumbs up sign. Much like the
eclectic person operating the vehicle, Horatio emitted a vibe that let everyone
know, he was there to bring happiness to their day.
I let my landlord handle getting rid of my Nissan and to my
absolute delight, I found out that a welder had bought Horatio for a meager sum
and was going to transport the SUV onto a newly built frame. Possibly, in the near future, I will pull up
behind my old set of wheels and if still decorated, give my thumbs up.
I would be remiss if not mentioning how God’s hands were in
me acquiring the Chevy, I now drive.
Through the connections at the church I attend, Saanich Baptist, I was
able to have the car, repairs and some additional help covered. The additional
messengers of kindness that the Lord used, was my dear friend Lillian and her
friend Angie. Due to the two of them conversing, I now attend a church, which
feels like a faith home.
When I had the first opportunity after work to go and spend
some time with my Chevy Lumina, I scrubbed her clean from top to bottom, inside
and out. Plunking in loonies to vacuum and two dollar coins to spray foam,
rinse, wax, and shine, I started to feel her personality coming thru. The
vehicle- much like me- has a few prior dings and scratches. The interior is
worn and a bit faded, which reminded me of how the shadows of my past still
cling to me. As the dirt was rinsed away
into the car wash drain, I thought of my own sins and how I have been cleansed.
It then occurred to me what to call her: “SHEBA.” It fit perfectly! As I strung a cotton candy air freshener and
declared her new name, I made plans to set off on breaking her into a new
adventure- camping.
As I set up camp, I took pride in my fire being started without one
single piece of paper- only wood! I had learned a trick about how to get a fire
started within seconds and it worked like a charm! I was struck at how I was
focussed on creating my own experience in the woods, not one filled with doubt
over what I am capable of doing. I looked around campsite 11 and was proud of
my achievements, without anyone second guessing me. I sat down and decided to
start making my renowned “Campfire Nachos.” I am not a conventional outdoors
woman. I have made everything from home baked muffins, potato packets,
casseroles and even a chocolate fondue at my campsites.
It depended on who I was with that dictated
the wild array of food. I already looked forward to my own version of S’mores I
had created.
After my menu was planned
for the three days, I set about mapping out trails, waterfalls and hiking I
wanted to do. I began to reminisce about the top three camping adventures I had
been on. The first would be my trip to the Sitka trees in Carmanah Provincial
Park, followed by a memorable camping experience at Alouette Lake near Golden
Ears Provincial Park.
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| Shayla about to have an "Oyster Shot" with Worcestershire sauce |
The camping trip I took
with Shayla into the USA to a place called Ocean Shores, Washington, holds fond memories.
I was
determined to make the current camping trip by myself, one to treasure.
Waking up early, I grabbed my breakfast, packed lunch,
water, maps and gear to go see the first attraction of natural beauty,
Goldstream Falls. I had planned for 2 hours and my route was exact to how long
it took me to do the entire loop. The
trails vary from easy to strenuous hikes. There are railroad track along creeks,
through the high ground of the forest. There are abandoned gold diggings from the
Gold Rush era. Those seeking adventure, can ascend to the top of one of the
recent additions to the park in 1994-Mt Finlayson- the highest point in Greater
Victoria. Another trail I was seeking would lead me to spectacular Niagara
Falls, which flows 47.5 metres down a rock cliff into a sparkling canyon pool
below.
Upon walking through an impressive staircase that draws you
into Goldstream Falls, I came upon a serene place of birds, water cascading
over mossy rocks and the plunging waterfalls. I sat there for over an hour and
a half and breathed in creation. Before
I left, I released a pebble for Shayla.
Once I had ascended the stairs, I sat upon a memorial bench.
It was in memory of a lady who loved the area. I was reminded of those who this
summer, will sit themselves upon Shayla’s bench and inhale the beauty they are
surrounded in.
Later that night, at the campsite, I heard a song playing-
Ed Sheeran’s current song- “Photograph.” It brought me back to a little
paper/card store I visited in London. It was in that quaint Shoppe I heard him
for the first time singing on British radio his number #1 hit, “The A-Team.” I
made a point of later looking up Ed Sheeran when no one yet in Canada had heard
of the spunky red-haired, blue eyed talent.
Now, as I sat watching the flames of my campfire, I knew I would be
creating a personal video for it. In the past, I have made videos- mostly
related all to Shayla. Yet this one is different, as I infused symbolism
connected mostly to me. Of course, my daughter’s presence is felt within the
song, but I sensed a strong association to his lyrics...especially the part: "Wait for me to come home..."
Video Created by T.L. Alton
'Photograph' Song and Lyrics: Ed Sheeran
Click on link to play >>> https://youtu.be/spgK4kUsNZU
The next day, I was back on the trails. This one would take
me to Niagara Falls- a much smaller version of the legendary ones. The time I
was told would take me three hours to get there and back. It took me four,
because of what I chose to do and encountered. In my previous relationship, my
boyfriend did the entire mapping, trekking, etc. He knew where to go, what
trail was best and took control. Now, here I was about to partake in my own
trail skills. I braced myself when I saw root trails, yet felt confident in my
abilities to maneuver them.
I remembered
him telling me how to place my feet; especially going sideways down unstable
rock. I admit, I used to barrel through
the forest and hope for the best, but this time…there would be no one to catch
me if I should fall. I was at the mercy of the woods and I know all too well of
the stories of hikers gone missing. What is tricky about the paths I was hiking
on is all of a sudden I would come to a post and an arrow would point left or
right. Being directionally challenged did not help. I followed the river for some of the way
before deciding to trek upland. It was then I encountered sheer cliffs to climb
and scree which is a collection of broken rock fragments at the base of crags
or mountains. If you have ever had to navigate the unpredictable temperament,
it can be a scary experience. Add to it I was all alone and no one to hold my
hand, it did occur to me that is I lost my footing, the only thing ever found
of me would be well-picked bones. Once
you commit to ascending the cliff, there is no looking back- literally! Only
when I was upon the railroad tracks, did I turn to glance back at the craziness
I had just accomplished. I patted my tattoo on my body- the one Shayla created
years ago and said, “Well done!” As I
walked along under a scorching sun, I began to hum “Stand by me.” Soon after, I noticed a
short trail to what looked like a viewpoint.
Upon walking into the dry, grassy area, I looked across at my stunning
view. Within a few minutes, I was astounded by something I have never
experienced…I was enveloped by a swarm of dragonflies! It was incredible to
hear the whizzing of their iridescent wings flitting about. I managed to
capture a picture, yet not even a snapshot can fill in the burst of joy I felt,
at that moment.
After plotting a route to the Niagara Falls, I encountered
sheer drops and clusters of roots along the trail, where one had to be mindful
of foot placement. Once I made my way along the dry creek bed, I began to walk
upwards to the falls. There were several people doing the same and a man
walking his dog, struck up a conversation with me. You never know, who will
meet amongst the woodlands and fairies…our conversation we shared, lasted for
over an hour. After a few brilliant
photographs, we parted ways and I made my way back to camp.
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| "Niagara Falls" |
I sat at the picnic
table to catch my breath and have a drink of water. I had opened the tent door
to air it out when suddenly what I was looking at made me feel ill. It was my
sleeping bag- the one that never kept me warm, had a broken zipper and was
uncomfortable. I had never been fond of it and now as I stared at it, tears
welled up. Intently looking at my sleeping bag, I was stricken with the last
memory of saying ‘goodbye’ to my daughter at the hospital. Nothing more is
needed to share, other than to say I walked over, ripped it off my air mattress and
placed it in a garbage bag.
I was having a difficult time with shaking off the images
that had popped into my head- that is what grief does- its takes an already
softened heart with scars and in an instant, can re-open the wounds. I decided
to light a fire and relax. Minutes later, I felt something near me and turned
around cautiously to be looking into the eyes of a deer! It was not spooked by
me, even when I let out a big sigh. I went to reach for my camera and it
allowed me to follow it (keeping my distance) past my car and near into the woods. I had to finally turn
around and when I did, there was the baby at my campsite- looking lost for its
momma.
I had been playing my mp3 player and the song that came on when I
spotted the deer was a song Shayla and I always
listened to when we were camping. I know- that one terrible moment- had been
replaced with one wonderful encounter with the wildlife!
Later, I relaxed in my chair and read some of my newest
book, “Encyclopedia of Fairies,” given to me by my dear friend, Sarah. Over the years, she has gifted me an array of
literature that I cherish.
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| Reminds me of a Fairy Home |
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| Fairy Book from Sarah |
As I packed up, I thought of the metamorphism that has
occurred in my realm. Much like the 600
year old Douglas fir trees within Goldstream Park, encased within its rings-
are stories that have evolved over time- of its existence. Through the road
trips I have taken, the vehicles that brought me there and the people who were
passengers in my seats, I have discovered a new structure of freedom...
…one that
sees me turn my stumbling blocks into stepping stones.
By TL Alton
