It is only when we silent the blaring sounds of our daily existence
that we can finally hear the whispers of truth that life reveals to us, as it
stands knocking on the doorsteps of our hearts. -K.T. Jong
True Colours ~ Music Video/ lyrics by Cyndi Lauper
I write with much uncertainty, as due to recent
life-impacting information, this will be my last blog posting for awhile. In my
need to move forward, I had to go back and retrace the intricate journey of the
pebbles set all over this world. The quest has seen many stones polished to
brilliance, allowing the pebbles to find a place into my shattered heart -that
had tried to run away from all of the pain.
With every photograph shared with me, video sent and story
relayed as to where a pebble, gemstone or rock was placed, it connected me to
my sweet angel. I re-read my blog postings with mixed emotions. At times, pools
of tears contain bereavement, others infused with joy and laughter. In so many
ways, Shayla remains alive…her kind, old soul lives on in ripples of water, a
wisp of clouds, the bud of a spring blossom and the fragile wings of a painted
lady butterfly.
My beloved
daughter has brought me to places where my steps upon the ground, echoes her
own path.
After
reading her words of desire to travel the world, I made a promise to my
babygirl that I create a movement to honour her wishes. With Paul setting the
first pebble for Shayla, into a location that held special meaning, the rest
literally flowed into a cause that has seen over 200 + being placed all over
this earth. I became absorbed into the significance of every stone; their
meaning always reflected a theme of healing, release of negativity, and added
renewal. To my amazement, I would be connected to a tree, flower or the magical
properties of the location. It is as if Shayla’s loving arms have become the
elements I now am surrounded by.
In receiving
the news that has prompted me to place on hold my blog posts, it has provided
me with clarity and set my intentions in a new direction. Instead of
withdrawing, I am diverting my focus to other things that strike a beginning of
change. It is time for me to follow the sun that exits even on the cloudiest
days. To embark on adventures that pushes me to sit underneath the canopy of a
white oak and kick off my shoes.
The past
year since Shayla’s death, I have myself become metamorphic – transitioning
into my permanent role as a bereaved mother. I have experienced additional loss
in friendships, yet gained new, bonding ones in complete strangers. I have
reconnected with former schoolmates and let go of those who can no longer be
there for me. In wearing a button with my daughter’s picture, I have spoken to
young people about her tragic loss and shared the reality that “It COULD happen
to You!” resonates within the anguish I carry in my private well of mourning.
What I was
not expecting to find was peace amongst such hopelessness; to be able to let
the element of water- the same in which Shayla passed, give way to cleansing
and rebirth. To give back to nature-pebbles, what a deadly road took from me-
precious life.
Joshua
4: The Memorial - When all the people had crossed the Jordan, the Lord said to
Joshua, “Now choose twelve men, one from each tribe. Tell them, ‘Take twelve stones from the very
place where the priests are standing in the middle of the Jordan. Carry them
out and pile them up at the place where you will camp tonight.’” So Joshua
called together the twelve men he had chosen—one from each of the tribes of
Israel. He told them, “Go into the
middle of the Jordan, each of you must pick up one stone and carry it out on
your shoulder—twelve stones in all. We will use these stones to build a
memorial. In the future your children will ask you, ‘What do these stones
mean?’ Then you can tell them, ‘They
remind us that the Jordan River stopped flowing when the Ark of the Lord’s
Covenant went across.’ These stones will stand as a memorial among the people
forever.”
When Shayla
was a little girl, she was baptized for the first time with water from the
River of Jordan.
It now is my
chance to hop aboard the peace train that my daughter’s legacy rides along. I
waited for over a year for this to happen and now my heart tells me it is time.
I am ready to see what the new chapter of my life brings and reconnect with
projects that have been eagerly awaiting my return. My plans include chasing
dreams that I know are within my reach…this includes my writing. I have made
arrangements this spring, to finish editing my first novel, “Under the Sitka Tree,” www.tlalton.com in an extraordinary setting that came to me as
a blessing. Additionally, I have returned to reading, as I picked up a new book
on grief that was meant for me.
February would
have been Shayla’s 23rd Birthday. Last year, I was in Maui and the miraculous
signs I was given still leave me reeling in their amazing images. This year’s
planned events also had my angels hand in them. Something that connected us
while she was still alive has now come to light…instilling in me to ‘swing life
away.’ I will be joined by two people who loved my daughter very much. This two
day celebration of her life is a mother’s love for her child. No matter what
death has taken in the form of her existence- it will never be able to rip
apart the incredible bond we will always share!
The Heart Pebble Movement will carry on and I
encourage people to continue with this cause to pay tribute to Shayla. My
hiatus from my blog I see as short-term, yet I felt compelled to share with
those that matter to me, why there will be no new posts. I am including my email for people to send me
stories and snapshots of them honouring my babygirl. Please feel free to
contact me: power2b@shaw.ca
In seeking
the transition I want, I have to work loose my need to “fix” others …now it is
my time to ignite my own soul with self-care. In order to disconnect from the
world of technology I need to allow the solitude to enter. I want to realize my
full potential and seize the world like Shayla always did, with a reflection of
joy in her beautiful smile that beamed “I AM ALIVE!”
I know within
my brokenness it is my choice to fall down in order for me to stand tall…that’s
what my babygirl taught me!
My thanks
comes in heaps of gratitude to those who have taken part in The Heart
Pebble Movement...
It is
because of each of you… Shayla’s dream of seeing the world thru her eyes became
a reality…her halo now illuminates every pebble placed.
By T L.
Alton
Sweet Child
O’ Mine ~Music Video Guns N’ Roses
your writting will be missed by all which have enjoying the stories of the pebbles & your own stories . i hope all goes well with the book can't wait to read it just like everyone else . Take care of you i love you paul until next time xx
ReplyDeleteWhat a pleasure to read your story. Thank you so much for sharing. I will be participating with the pebble movement for years to come:) I look forward to reading the book.
ReplyDeleteMindy misses you blogging on here as well. And as Paul says, "Take care of you Tonya." I wish you all the best on your book my friend. I love you!! Xoxoxo
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